The latest writ, based on a simple concept....

Today is the day, When the world will see...
How the vision of the unseen Is quite extraordinary.

To see the wind, Or taste the sound
And know in your heart The soul has been found.

It is not love Of that which I speak
But rather the soul In times that it's weak.

For in those moments When weakest we seem,
We see the visions of Our most longing dream.

Hearts full of hope To venture we dare,
To build from our dream A reality somewhere.

But struggling we try And with no avail
The hope we once had We find we could sell...

For a moment or two We lost in the past;
Fooled by the time We thought that would last.

Taken by breath And left then with none,
Ours visions collapse For strength they have none.

Stripped of desire, Passion, and will
Our hearts turn to madness...Silent and still.

Though the room it be taut, With voices anew;
But What's left of hope, Is dwindling and few...

For unseen I know, Is the future i see.
If i truly believe that...Than extraordinary...
....it could be.

From the bondage arise And the chains you will see,
That shattered with new hopes, You soon shall break free.

Alas it is mine, to know once again
That dreams are alive but I must begin.

To reach for the breath I need to live
And learn in my days The world to forgive.

Blame not the lives Of those gone before,
For the emptiness I have Can be gone, it is sure.

Then live, smile, breath, and see,
that the unknown and unseen....
...is truly extraordinary.

The two edged sword...

Bearing through the walls of time and the fables of history, are tales of great exploits; stories of true valor; and legends of heroes that are forged by courage and tempered in trial. Along with each hero is the story of his/her accompanying loyalty; their weapon in hand.

Arthur had Excalibur
Billy the Kid had his "six shooter"
Drizzt used Icing death and Twinkle
Alan Quartermain with Matilda
Hiro Nakamura weilded the sword of Kensei
Catti-Brie held fast to Kazhidea and Taulmaril
Aegis-fang was wielded bravely by Wulfgar.
Gandalf bore down with Glamdring
Aragorn and Anduril...and the list could go on.

It seems I have found a weapon of such proportion, that it has become a two edged sword in my possession. It is not physical, but rather, metaphorical...I don't claim to be any kind of hero, or to be the material of legend or even lore. I speak only of a weapon of such devastating power.

Silence...

In a world of turmoil and trouble, fear and anxiety, mankind is left with a mind and heart full of despair because of the desire to be heard. The voice of the people has become a spell designed to breed hatred and segregation. It is cast openly and without restraint, aimed at the hopes for future generations.

Stupid, incapable, irresponsible, and useless. These are but a few of the incantations used to cast these spells. Humans spend their time awake, preparing these spells in the days they live, so when the moment of opportunity comes they can release the power of this wielded craft in full force against another of the same creation...humans.

Too often are these incantations used without thought of the result. As with all spells, these as well, have devastating properties. They inflict the mind, and torment the heart, torturing the existence of the host and leaving nothing but a wake of destruction upon the soul. How does the society justify this kind of activity? Because the incantation could result in a new promotion? A pay raise? Or even self gratification and no other reason?

Now it is, that I speak of this weapon. Silence. It is a weapon with the capacity to destroy. I have found the ability to wield it in a way, that when silent, it too, will silence others, creating fear behind me; driving obedience. Silence has become my blade of power! I find myself using it to drive accomplishment, or to thwart a conflict, and ultimately to divide asunder a world of torment and turmoil, leaving in its destructive wake, its name, echoing....longer and longer for more people to hear.

After swinging this mighty sword of justice, and gaining the desired result with its name, "silence", I am then left comforted by the vast sound of its serenity. Silence. Where once loud and tumultuous, the world then becomes quiet and peaceful....

...and then the back swing of the same sword occurs....the two edged sword.

I wake.

I see.

I plea.

And I hear...

...nothing....

...for I am still in a world of silence.

And though silence may be serene and calm...how long would you last in a world that you have created? When the only element in existence, aside from the silence you longed for...

...is you?

I am then struck by his loyal companion, "Awe", and I am forced to break the bond of silence in order to be heard...before I am driven mad....and then I too, become part of a system that is operated by a society...whose only knowledge is built upon incantations designed to destroy.

But my incantations are....silent....

Noise fills the emptiness, rushing in like a waterfall over an edge, guided by a swift wind...and I remain struck by the very sword I carry....realizing the predicament I stand in.



I must strike with the sword of silence to maintain order in chaos...

...and I must be struck in order to continue...

Stranger than fiction

It seems to me that fiction is never written without a co-existence of its opposite. In every truth there is some untruth, and every untruth is based on a certain truth. How is it then that we are to determine where each one is draws a line. How often should we mingle truth with untruth in order to protect? And how much should we "lie" in order to maintain relations...?

Is it worth it to sacrifice a measure of integrity? I know I have said that I believe there is a time for an appropriate lie, and that that I still hold. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Where should I draw the line between truth and untruth?

Where do I measure the worth of my integrity?

How to I maintain who I am?

How do we all maintain who we are...if there is indeed such thing as the "appropriate lie"?

God help us all, if we cannot learn it for ourselves...

A naked curiosity...

...that I love so much to write and yet I feel like finding the urgency, or subjects to write, somehow elude me. I want to write...I love the release of bottled energy felt when I can compose the dictates of desire, and know that it is indeed how I feel.

How do I do that...I know other dear friends of mine will write about the life they live, day to day, and I love that! It becomes an open journal for friends to keep in touch, and enjoy how life progresses. I feel like that isn't quite me...its not quite what I do....not quite what feels right to me...

I use the "naked curiosity" because that is how I feel...exposed because I have nothing to hold on to, nothing to share, nothing to keep, nothing to protect....naked. And then the status of mind is simply that curiosity overwhelms me, because I simply don't understand...

....a little help....

Am I crazy??

Destiny

It Is Said Some Lives Are Linked Across Time.....
They Are Connected By An Ancient Calling.....Destiny.

I believe in the link through time...and the connection as well.

My friend posted this about a movie she saw recently, and she thought it was good! I, like her was very skeptical about the movie at first, but as trailers and reviews and such started to be released my skepticism started to dissolve a little at a time.



I have been a very big fan of the Prince of Persia games ever since the first one was released on PC years and years ago. I have followed the stories, and chapters of the Prince, learning his life and experiences, and I have loved them. So naturally when this movie was proposed, I was indeed skeptical, because it had potential to just suck.

Then I learned that Jerry was producing it, along with the skill and talent that Disney had. It started to have potential to be good.

I watched it in the theater at midnight like I always do. I was not upset with it at all. Disney took their graphic tech to a whole new level, and as always, Jerry delivered as only Jerry can! And now I own the movie on blue ray...because its the only way to view a film now... =)


How would it be to release the fabled sands of time, to turn back critical moments in our history, and set right what should have been? Such an incredible concept! And equally as awesome, is the statement about family, and brothers:

"...the bond between brothers, that is the sword that defends our empire; I pray that that sword stays strong."

Many a time I have reflected on this quote since viewing the film, and wondered if I have cultivated the bond between my brothers and me, the bond that would defend our empire, or perhaps, our families. Have I done enough, that I could feel worthy of the title "Brother"? Every man would like to be able to say "Yes", but in all honesty, it can only go as far as a deep hope.

That is the reason why I love to watch movies so much, to find the message that is written in the cinematography; and in this film, there is truly a message to be heard, and hopefully understood by all those who hear...

unexpected...

Okay, many of you know if not all of you, that I don't watch very much TV at all...a show here and there, an episode of something here and there. The ones I really like are Pawn stars, deadliest warrior, and top shot. Even so, I don't even watch those regularly or anything, just an episode here and there.

A work associate of mine at the high school has been swearing up and down about a show on TV that he has just loved, and he just kept telling me how I needed to get into it, but I just couldn't do it!

Next I had a friend told me how much I needed to get into Nexflix. At first I told him how I thought it was pretty lame to do that, it is like paying to have my own blockbuster or hollywood video...why would I do that when I have my own DVD collection that could rival a blockbuster or a hollywood video. Don't ask me what changed...but I thought I would give it a shot. I registered for netflix.

Here is the problem now....

The TV show that my buddy told me I should watch was on netflix! I am a novice at the whole netflix thing and i didn't know that they had TV shows on there! But it was there, and now I am hooked on this new addiction called NETFLIX!!

The show in mention?



Heroes is quite the story and series about the people in an ordinary world, that discover they have extra-ordinary, or "special" abilities. How many times have we day dreamed about the ability to fly...or woke up during the night hoping to sling web from our finger tips, wield the power of rapid regeneration, or travel through time? They talk about how the world is not ready to accept the possibility of "special" abilities and the controversy that would take place if they did exist.

Why isn't the world ready to have these things? Did God really give the world this idea of such magnificence because it is impossible, or because it allows us a perspective of things that could be....? I believe there are things such as "special" abilities, and that as normal people, we are given gifts that are to be used to help those in our every day acquaintance.

I have always felt a strange presence of something more...be it supernatural, unexplainable, extra-ordinary, miraculous or "special"...whatever the world decides to call it, I believe these are things that have been made known to us, by the man we call God. What else would it be, and by who else would it have been sent. It is to teach us the potential of who and what we are.

Unexpected as it was, watching this show has given me a smile that I thought would only come by my crazy imagination.

I love that if we want to be....we can be....

...."Special"......

Sunday!!!

Ok, so I was able to go and listen to a former student of mine give a talk today because he was leaving on his mission this week. His name? Steven Pelham.

What a conduit of so much natural, free charisma!! He was so entertaining to listen to, and his talk was given so smoothly, that it felt like I was sitting on a calm river of words. Oh to have a loosed tongue, and to speak like he does. I know it was a blessing from his father in heaven, so on his next quest, it will serve him well.

I also got to see some very good friends of mine, Renae, Lisa, Lindsay, Dexter, and Emily! What good people! I miss them all so much!

And of course Sunday is a day of family, and mine was so crazy today! I was texting my dear friend Stephanie, and while I wasn't looking my sister sent her a text that said, "I think you're gay". She responded with a "What???"

My whole family was about on the floor laughing!! And I too was about in tears from laughing so hard! We then started talking about a time in vegas with my older brother. He had just got a new smart phone and didn't know how to use it. Be came to me and asked me if I knew how to use the camera on his phone, and I said yes. He then gave it to me to setup for him. Instead of setting up his camera, I logged in to his FB account and updated his DB status with this:

"There is only one thing that I love more than Beer...and thats Balls!"

Oh my goodness....me, and my friends, and my family, were in absolute tears over that situation, because we all knew that he loves his beer!! He just paced the house all night, saying "kefe" all night because he didn't know how to delete the update! It was SO dang funny!!

Anyway, I wanted to tell about this day that was full of laughter, and fun, and love...and not so much of wonder. Which is a good thing, and I guess at the same time it could be a bad thing...who's to say?

Keep it real!

Me

Nothing important!

I really meant it when I said this was nothing important...

.....but you still read it! LOL...

Ok, thanks for reading this seemingly unimportant post about nothing, I love you guys any way, anyone who still reads. ;)

God bless,

Me

Oh yeah, one more thing...the answer of course is "you", I see you. But you, is not just you, it is you as the world, as my world, as your world, as a world...

Smile! =)

Have you ever wondered.....

....what it means to have loyalty?
....what is meant when someone says I love you?
....what is heard through tears?
....what is felt in anger?
....what is understood amidst confusion?
....what emptiness feels like?
....what your name means to someone else?
....what the world thinks of you?
....what the soul looks like?
....what wind tastes like?
....what can endure through fire?
....what loneliness really feels like?
....what the future holds for you?
....what sounds the blindness can make?
....what your person speaks of when they move?
....what the eye can truly reveal?

...I have....

The funny thing is that the list of wonders goes on and on...and it never ends. And neither does time as I understand, it keeps filling the emptiness of what we don't know with everything that we will ever wonder...

Oel ngáti kámeie

P.S. Avatar comes out, re-released in special edition on thursday night at midnight!

...have you ever wondered where I will be at that precise time....???

I don't have to wonder... ;)

Interesting thoughts....

....and they just keep coming, and I can't figure it out. Maybe I am just reading too much....maybe I am just paranoid....or maybe I am just dumb. I don't know, it might be more of the third than I would like to admit.

I know I don't get on here much, and I suppose I could justify it by saying I have my reasons and my means. And yet, I find myself here reporting not because I have some kind of twisted sense of loyalty to blogging or something...but rather because I have a stirring feeling that I should be on here sometimes.

I live here:


And yet it seems that more often than not I actually see this:


Its not because I make drives out to Alberta, but the people from there, drive here. But why does it appeal to me...and catch my attention every time there is one nearby??? The ironic thing is that there is nothing in Alberta for me...at least not any more. What once was there, is now else where. What makes things more interesting is that on Sunday afternoon I found myself driving, wanting to take a drive somewhere nice like up the canyon. It is closed. There is a big FAT gate blocking the way and Titus can't get in to get up there...lame. Even more interesting is this, on the radio starts playing a song, "Get Busy" Good times, good memories I think to myself as the song is playing and as it comes to an end. Suddenly to make it far more interesting than it already was I hear this song "Come on get higher" What the heck just happened?!

That was the only thing that came to my head....I didn't know what to say, and I couldn't say anything. Coincidence is what it seemed to be, and maybe it is. Maybe it is paranoia, or once again maybe I am just dumb. In any case, it made me miss some dear friends...the reason I am on here writing this now, is because sunday was the day it happened, "fast sunday"....Yes I followed, and I still read. I try not to as often as I used to so I can keep a proper distance between memories and desires, but know that you are still in my heart felt thoughts.

The year is drawing to an end, and we just had our end of year dance concert and it was a winning success! The kids as usual have just gone beyond my expectations, and taught me that I can have faith and belief in them without caution. They are my students, and yet they are my teachers...I will miss this team when the year draws to its finality. God bless you Provo high JV, you are my heart...

And Reef, this is to you because you didn't make it to concert. YOUR FIRED! j/k bro, I still love ya! ;)

Recently I had the wonderful opportunity to watch a movie in the theater. I remember months ago when I saw the preview for this film and thinking to myself...Oh dear, that looks like it could really suck and then from there I had no real intention of seeing it. JJ and Mikell both insisted that I go see it with them, and so I did. It might be up there with one of the most beautiful and adorable movies I have ever seen.



How to train your dragon has become a part of my heart for some reason. I can't quite figure that out either. I love dragons...that might be it. I love great music...and that could def be a huge part of it too. I love the messages of good movies, and this film has it also. In short, adorable, cute, moving, enlightening, and over all just good! It is now up there on my recommended movies for all to see. I don't have a huge list for those films, but this is one of them.

I saw Avatar 26 times in the theater, and I know it is a bit ridiculous, but I did. Some how or another it just happened that way. I didn't have to pay for all of them, only like 10 times. And yes I know that is a lot too...but oh well. :)

For all my friends out there, I love you all dearly...

This is for you...because somewhere in the world I live in, I know you live too...

Till we, in our innate sense of hope and wellness, seek for the lasting principles that will define the foundations of our desires, become those whom will be the vessels of true integrity...God bless and God speed...

....for it is the battle between our principles and our desires that define our integrity...

Vir Fusc

Return of the Fusc...

....and what a return it was! So I know I haven't been able to update this, and there is reason, and I guess there is excuse as to why. I will tell and you can decide which is which...

So, last week I had the most incredible amount of things to do, in so LITTLE time. Just an over all busy week. I missed every session of General conference last weekend(which has never happened in my entire life), but it it did. Backing up a few days....

Friday I had a full day of teaching and then I had to judge battle of the bands. At first I was a little unsure of what to expect, and i didn't really want to do it. But I met the other two judges on the panel, and we all decided we had a lot in common, and we all felt a little better about judging the even.

Needless to say, there were some bands that did quite well(congrats to one of my own former students, Benjamin Xochimitl, who won the battle of bands as a solo act), and then there were some that just did not belong there at all...

We got done around 11 or so I think...and then I had to go home, and get ready for the prelim round of guard on saturday morning. Roy high school here we come! We had tremendous success during our season. As I mentioned in previous posts, we were bumped up two classes, and then we took fourth in prelim rounds out of 13 guards(largest class in in the association) which meant we were invited to participate in the state finals! We took 5th in finals! Congrats to the guard at provo who worked so hard to learn how to invest their hearts into their show! Way to go Provo!!!! I love you guys!

We got done late, and then had to drive home. Home came around 1:30 or 2:00am. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to fix my luggage, do my laundry, and then get packed for the tour I was leaving on the next morning at 7:00am!

Home - 2:00am
Fixing luggage 2:19 - 3:27(I totally fixed it to perfection)
Laundry 2:12 - 4:39
Packing 2:40 - 4:51
Sleep 5:00 - 7:15
Loading the bus 7:50 - 8:30
On the road 9:00am

What a couple a two days eh?!

Tour was to long beach california where we boarded the Carnival Cruise Vessel "Paradise"



By far the most luxurious tour I have ever been on with my kids! 5 days of shows, lounging, shopping, diving, mexico, sea breezes, and of course, the after shocks of sea sickness!

I got home and it is now sunday afternoon and I am still feeling the wave movements in my brain, and if watched closely...my body still sways to the movement of the "sea" that is no longer here...

Feeling a little sick and woozy from time to time....I think everyone else was feeling it too when we got back...its quite the experience. If ever I was to get drunk, I think this is what it would feel like!

That is the update I have for you, and I am sure more will come when more comes in the ever exciting life of Vir Fusc!

God bless and God speed!

Oel ngáti kámeie

Checking in :)

Ok, so the last few weeks have been utterly trying and extremely busy! Choir, Guard, Ballroom, and life...

So in the last few competitions for guard we have had some ups and downs. From 4th place to 9th place, and then back to 4th it was sure a roller coaster ride but we made it. And now we are pushing for a placement at the next competition. If we are able to place we will be invited to attend the championship at Roy High School on April 3rd. I would say "here's to hoping" but then that would suggest that we are leaving it up to chance and not work. So here's to working! We have an unusual situation with the guard here...we have 16 on our team, and most of them have had no formal weapon training at all...and yet they come, and the diligently work and perform with their hearts and souls. They are learning how to become invested in the message they are portraying for those who watch us. The heart is so important in everything we do, I pray we who have claimed to have found it....will never lose it....it will set us free.....

We also had the national competition for ballroom last week and needless to say, as it said on my facebook update..."nationals becomes a very long week in a very short time". But even so, long as it was, we sure had a great run as a JV team here at Provo high. We qualified for Division 1 latin which was a blow away for all of us here on the team including myself. Not that I didn't think we could, but it was a medley in its first year, and one of MY medleys none the less. I know my kids are all capable of achieving excellence, but I wonder about MY personal work...and if it is capable of division one....to be rated among the best of choreography and teams in the nation. But we did it and I congratulate my kids for it! Well done! Also, we placed first it the division 2 Standard championships! National championship title, sure is a great thing to have under the belt! Again, great job to my ever amazing kids!

Choir has been a running adventure! Wow have I learned...the intricacies of a young musicians mind...how they think and how they operate. "Was I like this as a young man?" I often wondered as I was teaching choir.... I had the kids write an essay about them so I could read them. Nothing specific, just "Why?". It gave me an avenue to travel that was in direct correlation with the mind set of the kids in choir. It took me three weeks to finally learn how to meld in with the kids in choir...and after that? ....Magic started to happen. In the end, Chamber went to region festival, and against what seemed all odds and other incredibly talented choirs in the region we did our best. We went out on stage, looked them in the eye with a gaze that seemed to say, "WE ARE PROVO"

......we made state......

I knew they would, and they needed to know they could....and they did. To my choir students, God bless you for realizing where your potential sat dormant, and even more so for tapping in to that reserve. I know you will do amazing at state. I will be there....now....and at state...listening. God Bless you.

I believe Life is in tune with the unusually unexpected...we laugh, we love, we hope, we try, we hurt, need, fear, and then we cry.....and through all these things of the unexpected and even unusual we find a sense of similarity between all of us...we desire those things that make us who we are. And even though we may end up in a slight sense of devastation, we yet desire then for what we become when we experience those things. And like I asked my choir kids....."Why?" And to the answer so simple and beautiful I must with my whole soul...agree.

Because it will set us free....for we are truly alive and free, when in the hands of someone we call dear...

Dreacis

Extenuating weeks....

...have come since the start of the new semester here at Provo High. Dance, Choir, Band, and Guard have all but nearly consumed the part of existence we call life...but I love it, and that is why I keep on it.

When things in life come to mind, I am often taken to reflection...

Where was I in the grand scenery of accomplishment?
Have I come to the place I am supposed to be?
Am I become of the person who created me so?
Do I love, like I would hope to be loved?

...Are the memories of this life, written in the words, colors, and people that I would want to have endure for the eternities to come...?

God hold my heart, and make it so.

This is out to you, who have made the memories of my heart, I love you dearly! And my soul reaches out for you, for in your memory I find a smile...one I shall wear till I die. :)

Mrs. Garrett had her baby not too long ago, and she brought it in so I could see and meet her little Molly Garrett. What an adorable addition to a wonderful life! I looked at her as she spoke of her new infant, and in a moment I understood how her joy had become like a full cup running over. Finally I understood...the nine months she carried her unborn child had built something so dear and cherished in her life, and the evidence of it was written across her smile. I dont' know what it is like to bear a child, or to bring one in to this world...but i understand something I didn't know before.... That I will never understand until it is my turn...

Putting down to rest, the old individual that she used to be in order to become something she had never been became so clear to me...the time preparing to bring life, merged the lives of her and her husband, and the child becoming of the family. I understand that now...I know that she will never forget the momories of her past that make her who she is, but also that she needed to accept the things that were changing in her behalf.

I too will never forget memories that have place in my soul, people who had become a heart beat to me...but in the count down of days, I too realized that although I care deeply about my dear friends, it is not my place to care FOR them.

I wanted to so badly, to be part of the lives of those close to me...and now I am nearly sure that it will never be. Even so, my memories will will never be forgotten of those kind and dear to me...

...I will always love you, that will never change.

Hey Jack guess what?! I'm sure you already know, but you are going to be a big brother now! How cool are you?! Don't worry little brother, I will check in on you, and make sure that you are doing well, both you and your new brother!

Wave_writer, I wish you everything in your endeavors bro. You truly deserve it! I know you will do amazing things with the talents you have, and the opportunities you will be given. Don't doubt yourself...God didn't doubt you when he gave them to you.

And to all...Always remember, all things that can happen will...

...God Bless and God Speed...

11:41

...is the time I started to write this. I am here because somewhere in this heart beat is the will to write.

I just got done watching Armageddon here at my home. Great movie of hope, fear, trial, victory, and love. It moves me...so here I am. I guess I now write so those things can grow in others like I think they grow in me. Not that I wish fears or trials on others, but rather the growth that comes from enduring them.

I love you all...dearly....

I just opened an email before getting on here, whilst I was watching the movie...Alegria, Cirque Du Soleil production is coming to Salt lake city, Utah. It will be the second show from cirque in one year that will be here for viewing at the E center. Needless to say, I am MORE than excited to see it. I opened the email, read what it contained, saw the name "Alegria" which means "jubilation" and for some reason my thoughts returned to you...

"Jubilation", or "extreme joy" is indeed what we all want or seek in this life...we all know that it is what we want. We all for the most part know why we want it, and yet as I have mentioned before in a previous post long ago, it is not the what or the why that makes life a challenge to live; It is the constant journey to and from the paradox of "HOW".

The road we walk is the "what", our stops are the "where's", our friends are the "who's", the memory's we obtain designate the "when's"...but what is it that makes the "how's" something that drives us to continue along the way?

Could the combination of "what's, where's, who's and when's" some how create the "how's" that teach us everything we need to know?

"Oel ngáti kámeie" or simply to say, "I see you" is something SO beautiful to me. When I recall to mind the who's, what's, where's, and when's, it is only then that the 'how' comes to mind...and there it is again. "Oel ngáti kámeie"... How could this have happened? How could I have done this? How could I be here? How could I accomplish all that I have? How are you still in my life? How am I a part of your life? Or am I at all? How is life to be lived? How does one keep hope? Hope for life, love, dreams, or this world? Oel ngáti kámeie...that is how. To see you...is to see everything....

My kids have done well this season and to that I am proud. They took 3rd in both standard and latin medley. Provo High Varsity was 1st, extreme ballroom was 2nd, and Provo JV was 3rd. How proud I was to stand there among my kids whom I cherish so dearly...and watch them take their place among those who thought them incapable. Nights such as those make me truly proud to be their coach. Not because of anything I could do for them, but everything they did for themselves. They beat every other Varsity or A team that was there competing...

I love them...

Well, I must take my leave now I am trying this thing that some say is healthy for me...more sleep or some ridiculous idea like that. I don't know what people are thinking when they say such incongruous strings of vocabulary...and yet I feel inclined to listen...maybe they are on to something??? We shall see...until next we speak over the intellectual waves cyberspace...

Oel ngáti kámeie

Questions Un-answered.......

So one must always ask, if out of nothing more than curiosity, how many people actually read this thing. Aside from how many,is the more important question of 'who'? I don't know who reads this or how much it means to anyone...but for a time, knowing that this blog was being read, meant everything to me...

What's it like...is it warm, or cold, is it over cast or sunny? To the common reader those questions would obviously refer to the weather, would it not? But it is not the weather of which I speak,it is the heart...

I speak those questions most importantly to my own heart...I recently bailed out of jail someone close to me. And to see that person released, walking with what seemed like shame before me, broke my heart. I couldn't determine why...inside I wanted so
desperately to be angry at this person...I wanted to unleash the burning fury that required me to relinquish my personal savings, which was not very much in the eyes of the world, to set this person free. Why should I have to take the earnings of my
labor, and place it at the feet of someone who seems to be so careless with their own life?

And then it hit me....'are you listening to yourself?','what are you saying?' I often like to think that I may have a heart inside me that deserves to keep beating in order to keep me alive...And then I catch myself in a state of thought that makes me feel like I have betrayed that heart. Is my heart so cold to think such cruel and hell bent thoughts? But wait it was warm and kind enough to perform that which was required to liberate someone from captivity....

Is my heart being over shadowed by something that causes me pain, doubt, and fear?
Or is it the element of light that brings hope,faith, and belief to others?

At times I think it has been all of the above.

I love this person. I do. My heart beats for the well being of this person, and thus
moved to help. But in result my heart was taken to anger, and disdain, because of
the things that were done. Is my heart two sided, or can it truly betray itself in the
thoughts that contradict each other? Can I wield both positive and negative emotions
at the same time? I don't know...

I have known myself to be one who, for the most part, acts upon the dictates of my heart....but what must I do when it feels like the dictates tell me to do two things that cannot be done. Either it must be one, or it must be the other...

On a different note, here are the recent events of the life of Vir Fusc(it means brown guy in Latin).

I still teach my two ballroom classes and coach the team at Provo High School, still assist with the symphonic band, I direct the color guard program, and now I teach four choir classes! Needless to say I think my teaching schedule has become incredibly busy...but as I have said before I think I like it that way. It keeps me busy, and therefore moving in mind and body.

My parents think I do too much, have too little time, and all my peers think I am insane because I sleep the usual 3 1/2ish hours a night to keep up with my schedule. Friends think I have no social life, but I do! It exists between the hours of 11pm and 1:30 am...at which point i am at home, getting ready for bed :)

Dad think I am going to go to hell because I haven't found a wife yet. I explain that I am busy, and that I am not looking right now to find a wife. He insists that I am under the influence of the devil because only the devil would say such things, so he can keep me away from salvation. Perhaps he is right...I don't know.

Choir is doing well, getting ready for region festival and tour. Band is good, but it is smaller than it was last semester and struggling a bit. Ballroom is doing better than ever, and I am excited to kick off in the competition season; They should do pretty well this year! Winter guard is also doing quite well. At our evaluation they bumped us up two classes because the kids did so well.

Life, love, friends, trials, labors, knowledge....experience. I hope I am doing what I can to have the best experience, so that I may provide a good experience for those whom I serve...

God bless and God speed...

Oel ngáti kámeie...