Finals!!!

This is it...where it all comes down to...results of the push....

...FINALS....

It is now 11:30, and I am not quite ready to go to bed yet. I should...because I have an early day tomorrow, first final at 7:00am, meaning I need to be up and ready by 6:00, so I can be warming up my voice! My first final is a voice performance of my first ever, SATB composition. For my first, I think it is good...I am recording it, and hopefully it will sound good. If so, I will see about attaching an audio file of it...if thats even possible. Wish me all luck!

I think all together, finals are LAME!!! But I guess that is how it goes when you are NOT the teacher. :P still think its lame, but maybe I am just complaining....I think I do that sometimes....

On a good note, I am here at the end of the semester, the one I thought I was gonna die in. AND I DIDN'T! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I still have two more assignments before I can go to bed, so I am off.

See ya!!!

Almost done!!!

Ok, so the last official week of school is done, and one hell of a week it has been too! Man, this week has seriously crippled my thought processes, and its not quite through yet. This is just the last official week, and then finals start next week!

My first final begins at 7am on monday morning, and how excited I am for it too! Two finals on moday, two on wednesday, and that SHOULD be it for the finals. My other classes don't have any kind of comprehensive finals, which is a good thing! :P

Through this semester I kept telling myself I would never to this again, at least not this big of a load...here I am, getting ready to plan another big, stupid, busy, ridiculous, semester just like this one. Am I mad?!?! I think so! Especially I will have even MORE going on by way of work and teaching. Getting a junior company again, directing the color guard for the marching band, my regular teaching schedule, coaching, and once again....of course I will be in school again :}....MADNESS!!! But for some odd reason...I like it....any guesses as to why I like so much craziness???

I think I like it so much because it keeps me busy, and not in depths of "nothing to do", or "I miss you", or "I'm bored", or anything else that comes into mind when I am just sitting. I can't stand it when nothing is going on in my life...

....Oh well....Life goes on, and if you don't go with it, well.....you get left behind right? I guess you win some you lose some eh?

Open Mic...

Ok, so I got done with work around 9:30 and when I checked my phone, I had a text message from a good friend of mine, Joey Ranalli, asking if I wanted to come down to the pennyroyal for open mic...needless to say, I was stoked to go. Joey is a good friend of mine, and we have such a good musical chemistry. We can feel each other, and read each others intentions by way of how we move in our music.

When I got down there he was waiting, and so was the cafe. I plugged in, and away we went. Improv chord progression, and improv lyrics, we do what we do well...we create music.

Joey is truly a talented person of musical magic. On a previous occasion where we were able to just sit, kick back, and play music freely, one of my best friend's sister was there, and she was SO convinced that we were playing rehearsed music....but she was in utter shock when she learned that I was just playing free chord progression, and he was creating lyrics on the spot. I can't tell you how intimidating it is to stand next to someone of such musical genius as is Joey.

On a positive note, I am learning the comforts of open guitar, under the veil of eyes that is the world audience; I hope to be able to stand, breath in, and in turn release the musical vision I feel is stirring within me, the movement of my soul, and the smile it brings to my heart...and hopefully to yours too...

God Bless...

A little lighter...

I can't explain how this day has been....a little lighter is all I can think of.

Burdens bearing the weight thought at first to be nearly unbearable, but with a little encouragement from good friends, and a great deal of help from upstairs, I found the day light came a lot sooner than I wanted it to....but in good welcome! :)

I think learning is such an amazing aspect of life, and I am so grateful for the chance I have to learn; learn so much about so many things, and so many people.

It is Wednesday afternoon, 4pm, and I am here for another hour till my rehearsal starts. I am so happy to be part of the lives of the kids I teach! In all reality, I think they teach me more than even I admit to myself. They steer the vessels of patience that carry me to and fro within the particulars of my life. They drive the machine of discipline that shows me the line between where life exists, and where it becomes passion. They are truly amazing people....

I feel very fortunate to have been given such opportunities to live...not just exist...

Perfect timing....

I can't tell you how perfect that was for me to get that. There I was sitting in the library after work. Feeling a little down on things...I had just got back from tour, I was a week and a half behind, and it is finals next week. I was listening to a song called storm(one of my favorites) when I got an email from you buddy!

First, the message was what I needed! Jack, you are fantastic! Just when I felt like I needed something that would lift my spirits, you sent me that email and it did just what I needed it to. Thanks again!

How stellar of friends I have, that Jack could take care of me as well as he did. What a DUDE!!!!

You too my dear friend... It was a few minutes before midnight, and I had been sitting there in the library since I got off work(almost 9 hours) catching up on homework. At this point, I had gotten down on myself quite a bit, feeling overwhelmed with the loads of homework I needed to have done this week to catch up, a take home final due tomorrow(today actually by the clock), my composition needed to be completed and taught to my group, the chapters and lectures I need for my civi class...and all in all, STILL BEING IN THE BLOODY LIBRARY AT MIDNIGHT!!!

....life savers you are, both of you....

"Have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through"

I was ready to give up. I was, until I read that. It gave me a second wind. With a little prayer, and the help of good friends, I drove home when the library closed, and went to work. Here it is now 1:30, and everything I needed to have done by tomorrow is done.

Thank you, both for caring enough to see me through my hard times...

I love you both!!

God Bless....

This week!

Ok, so this week has been something crazy! I am on tour with my kids here in California and it is an experience I will never forget!

We left early monday morning, and drove straight through to California. Long trip, but fun. My kids are awesome! They always know how to have a good time. We are stayed at a hotel right across the street from Disney Land/California Adventure, which I do say are a lot of fun. We had one show at Disney Land, and then another show at California Adventure. Needless to say, disney's show had some malfunctions...but California adventure was a screaming success! The kids did amazing!

We also had a show at a venue called "Midi-evil Times"....I must say, I think that I was born in the wrong time period. I could not get over how fascinating the show was!! Real horse mounted knights, jousting, and battling, weapon to weapon, horse to horse! It was astounding, and breath taking...I cried when it was over. Something about the pride of defending loyalty and honor in the name of a great king, and in the virtue of his Queen. It takes me to a place written in lore, inked in history, and inspired more and more each day by the vast imagination of mind...how glorious!

The week is drawing to an end now, and I wish I could have written more upon each day, but alas, it was not possible. Te resorts here across from Disney Land are pretty ridiculous. In order to have internet here at these resorts, one must pay 10.99/24 hour period of time. Unwilling to pay almost $70 to have internet, I just didn't get on. Until we found a wireless server broadcasting somewhere close to the resort....it allows free internet!!! Yay!!!!

That has been my week, and truly memory worthy it has become. I love my kids, for they teach me so much about who I am, and why I do what I do. They inspire me to maintain who I am, because of how much I have passion for them, and for their success. Thank you Provo, for so much you have done with me, and for me. You will never know how much you have molded my heart for the better...

FAB5!

OK! So this is how this works...The first 5 people to respond to this post will receive something made by me for you. My choice made especially for you. Of course there are some restrictions and limitations:~1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!2. What I create will be just for you.3 It will be done sometime this year.4. You have no clue what it will be... it may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure. ;-)5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.6. I will send it anywhere! It doesn't matter where you live!The catch? The catch is that you must repost this on your own blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on their blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did will win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!!Oh! And be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it.

Love ya!

~Shiz~

WOW....a thought to myself.....

Easter, the time of the year when we remember the greatest event in the history of mankind; the risen Lord Jesus Christ. What a good time of the year, families come together, differences are forgotten, hands are employed in the service of those we love so dearly, and of course...one of the biggest meals you will see in the year occupies the dinner table, leaving hardly any room for anyone to eat! So...we all just make a plate of food, gather around in the living room, or outside, or downstairs, or wherever we want really, and just enjoy each others company. How we love family!

I BBQ'd like I usually do, running the grill is the game I like to play at big family functions like this one. Steak, char sieu, teri-burgers, turkey burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, chips and drinks and good company! I think running the grill might be my favorite part of these kinds of things. I love it!

After the food, there is games, and movies, and wrestling, and kids, and candy. Before all the little kids came home from church, me and my cousin Jacob got to get the Easter egg hunt all together! Eggs, eggs, candy, eggs, chocolate, oh and more eggs! Everywhere across the yard, and in the trees, and in the flower pots, and any where else we wanted to hide them that we thought might be fun for the kids. What a good day. Watching the little children run about with each other, finding the little things on this day that make them happy...and make us all happy.

My little Laki, my nephew is so cute(as are all of my nieces and nephews). But this one, for this particular reason. There I was, on my laptop, when in he walked wearing his smile as only a cute little boy could ;) Only 3 years old, he is so cute, and knows so much.

He walks in on me as I was chatting with an old mission buddy for a few minutes. "Unco?" he asked with his shy little voice(as that is how he and all my little nieces and nephews pronounce the word 'uncle'). "Yeah little brother?" I answered as I continued to type, "who's that?" he asked with such innocence as he stood there.

"Who is who?" I responded still paying attention to the conversation I was having. "Who is THAT" he said again, emphasizing that word 'that' as he pointed to the monitor connected above my desktop level. Following his finger, I looked up at the picture displayed on the monitor and smiled. "Come here little brother" I said as I picked him up and sat him on my lap. "Do you remember who that is?" I asked him as we both pondered the photo. Nodding his head all he did was smile again. "Do you remember?" i asked him again, making sure he remembered. "Who is it? Tell me." I said to him.

He didn't answer for a moment. And as we sat in silence, I gazed at the picture and quietly wondered whether he really knew who it was. Just then he turned his head and looked at me, and whispered her name softly. "Who???" I inquired again leaning closer to hear him. He then answered again with the affirmative answer of who was in the photo. I closed my eyes as tear's almost overwhelmed my composure.

"That's right!" I answered as I opened my eyes. "Whats wrong unco?" he asked so timidly, and so real with concern. "Nothing little brother, just happiness". That is all I could think of to say at the moment. "Sometimes, when you are happy, you cry. That's all"

Truly, happiness can be manifest through a few heart felt tears, and through the memory, innocence, and smile of so small a child...

Is this what it might be like to be a father? I wondered that as the day went on...I don't have any of my own children, I have not even a wife with which to have them with. But it occurred to me, that maybe...just maybe, things like raising this little boy as much as I have, might be preparing me to become a father. I know it sounds a trivial thought to so many people, and that's quite fine. But for me, I learn it when I do, and I realize it when I am supposed to....

Stars...

"I thought they were fire flies...fire flies stuck on that big blueish black thing..."

"I thought they were big balls of gas burning billions of miles away."

"My father always used to say, that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us"

"That is why I shared my life force with a dying boy, so I would re-unite man and dragon and ensure my place among my ancient brothers of the sky."

"There is no night, without stars."

Anybody know where these great quotes come from? A little fun for you all, as you read. Enjoy!

How different we all see the stars. How infinite, and how holy...yet they seem to speak to us as if they possessed life! Truly they are the greatest message of hope and inspiration for us all in our direst needs.

The darkest nights may hold the deepest fears, and the most harboring storms hide from us the glory of the stars; Yet if we endure the storm, and fight the fears, we will see when the clouds part, that the stars were for our cause, fighting the great battle from the other side.

"Friends are like stars. Just because you don't see them, doesn't mean they aren't there...."

Thank you for sharing that with me. Truly I felt as if I might have to endure the darkest night, not knowing if the stars would shine...

"How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how distant my heart."

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."

How I feel at present....

Sitting here on this lonely dock,
watch the rain play on the ocean top.
All the things i feel i need to say
I can't explain in any other way.

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain
warm my shoulders and relive my pain.
Your the one thing that I'm missing here
with you beside me I no longer fear

I could have saved so much time for us
had I seen the way to get to were i am today.
You waited on me for so long
so now, listen to me say...

I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water
need to grow older with a girl like you.
I finally see you were naturally,
the one to make it so easy when you show me the truth.
I'd rather be with you.
...say you want the same thing too.

My little buddy!!

Here is to my little buddy, a little shout out, for the little guy that makes me smile so much! And to the wonderful, fantastic, hands that bear him through life...you deserve the world and all the life in it.

Jack, never stop smiling buddy!

....I hope you never stop smiling either...... :)

The smile!

There I was..doing the things that keep my mind out of mental poverty. Bridging the difference between thought and action, leaving behind idle for effective; homework, tour planning, composition, writing...when I opened msn messenger. "One new email" the window indicated. So naturally, I opened up firefox browser, and proceeded to my hotmail account.

"NO" I thought to myself. "I must be seeing things unclearly" which might have been very possible, for at that moment of soft alarm, tears welled the holding of my eyes. I refreshed the page just to make sure......it was real. It was quite real. There it was, in my inbox...the smile I had been awaiting, for what seemed like a near eternity.

When shall I receive this smile? when shall I wear it again? It was not just any smile, but the smile that only you can return to me...

Thank you...

A thought for you...if you should read...

Can someone tell me what emptiness is...? I am not sure. Is it the cup that you spilled, and therefore no longer contains what drink it had before? Is it the plate that you emptied after having consumed the food thereon? Is it the belly that is missing both of those things because they cannot provide for such things? Is it the little girl, motherless and void of the confidence only a mother can give? Is it the gas tank on your vehicle, in such a state because money exists not wherewith to fill it? Is it the house you live in? Is it the bed you sleep in? Is it the hand you used to hold? Is it the hug you enjoyed so much? Is it the the caliber of movie you watch? Is it the fading trust in someone? Or is it simply...nothing, in all its greatness?

Emptiness is everywhere, and yet it is no where. It smiles when it wins, and it smiles when it loses. It does not need you, and it does not need me. It is whatever we make it to be. It can be a quiet solitude, in a crowded room; and it can the the crowd in an empty room.

How do we define emptiness in our life? Do we walk hand in hand with this lifeless form? Or do we condemn this proud entity?

Who are we to surrender to such a thing that needs us only to watch us destroy ourselves in the wells of self pity? Too long have I seen this powerless hand given so much influence in the lives of those dear to me; Deep have I watched its roots grow, and its seed take flight in the winds and wakes of hope...shattered and abused...beaten and overwhelmed. And it laughs...and it smiles....and we suffer...

No longer say I...My heart dwells no more in that which is called emptiness. It rejoices in the warmth that fills the void with memory; Memory of those things great and beautiful. The smile that I hope to see always. The eyes I pray will never be gone. The voice I hear in my dreams, and in my wake. The embrace that held me, and the hand that comforts me...and of course, the child that makes me smile.

Please, do not be the emptiness to me....

...be the warmth, I pray you...for I love you...

Cookies!!!

Men are like cookies...and here is the analogy. It is not my analogy, but one that was shared with me, by the dearest, caring, and most loyal and devoted of those close to me.

"Cookie Dough" = "Pre-Mi"

- These are the boys who are young, just out of high school, and pre-mission. They "taste" good, but nonetheless, they are raw because they have not been "baked" yet. Partaking of these cookies, can make you, and them 'sick'.

"Oven" = "Baking"

- These are those boys who are on the greatest journey's thus far in their life. They are learning, and becoming that of which men are hopefully made of. Thus they are "baking", or "in the oven" and are rising and expanding to what they should be upon completion. However, if they are eaten at this point it is severely damaging to both the partaking, and the partaken. For they are wrought in the fire the baker which put them there, and if are disturbed it causes terrible destruction to the cookie, and a devastating burn to the partaker.

"Fresh" = "RM"(Return Missionary)

- These are those who have completed their service and have returned home. Hence they become the "fresh" cookies. They are up for grabs, hot to the touch, and on every girls plate. But beware...if these cookies are taken off the plate TOO fast, they may very well break apart. Because of the awkward nature of their state, do not think that they are as sturdy as you would like them to be. They taste good as all cookies do, but they need time to cool, and become solid enough to move with hands. Some may need a little more time to adjust to that new world that they have come in to; not that the world itself is new, but that it is new to them who have just become a part of it in a different way.

"Stale" = "Menace to society"

- "Menace to society" as some have called it, being those who have reached a certain "age" and have not been married. The stale cookies are the ones that were once hot, but have had TOO much time to cool, for whatever reasons. They are the ones that are "old", or "past their prime" and therefore they just..."sit and do nothing". They are not hot. They don't "taste" good. They are just there on the plate.

And finally, there is apparently one more state in which the cookie may find himself.

"Beyond" = "Desperate"

- This is the cookie(according to perception of some), that is so far past stale, reaching a state of desperation. They are apparently so far gone, that in their state of desperation, they begin to think they are "fresh", or "hot". Doing everything they can to appear as such, and yet they are nothing. No one wants to eat a cookie that is like that, especially a lady, if they are deserving enough to be called such.

If you were told this analogy where it concluded at the "stale" section, and then told after, that there was one more section, how would you feel if it was inquired of you like this?

"Oh there is more! There is one more that goes past 'stale'". At which point, the person continues to explain the state of "beyond". It wouldn't be so bad right? Now, interpret this question for me:

"How old ARE you?"

The capitalized 'ARE', is not a mistake; it is an emphasis within the question. How does one justify a question like that? Is it just an open emphasis? Is it a genuine sincere inquiry for knowledge? Is it getting to know you? To anyone who might not know of the detailed situation, it might appear as such. But to you I answer, NO.

Actions described above, are actions in the story of one who has nothing more than the heart he offers in a magnitude of love that few in this world can even begin to comprehend. His hands, given in service, openly and honestly, without thought of return; if such service could be accumulated, it would surely build a world where those in this one, would not be worthy to stand in. Such is the man I speak of...and yet, someone has the audacity to incriminate the open hands of service, and the open heart beat of love, because she claims she is in service of her best friend.

How malevolent her actions became. How malicious her intent; to share such an analogy, only to say with real purpose, "you are old, and are in pursuit of this girl only because you are desperate. She is too good for you! Back off!"

If this be the true willed feelings of a dear friend, than what hesitations would she have to say to him openly, if she is indeed, a dear friend, that she harbors such ill will? The woman loved, is claimed by the man spoken of, to have known him better than any other woman outside of his family.

Do not be confused. The lady who told the analogy, is not the lady loved. For there are two present in the story. And the man....the man, is more deserving of the best woman this world could conjure at the height of its existance, and yet he chose her. She is everything to him, because she could offer what little he asked for, to be happy. A heart beat in return, and hands he could warm.

But such could not be so, because in the eyes of her best friend...he is "beyond". And so it is, that I am broken for him...