Last night we had our band concert, and dare I say? It was clearly a tremendous success. 4 conductors in front of the bands at Provo high, (including myself) and all four of them deserving of the positions they held.
It was great. Big house, lots of people, great audience, good atmosphere, solid learning opportunity! I didn't think I would have been directing the band last night at the concert, but Mr. Hearld(Official hired band director) asked if we would be interested in directing because we had done so much work for the bands already. He said he wouldn't feel right not putting us up there in front of the ensemble's to direct because of how much we had done to help them.
Few in this world are as great a helpers and as good a directors as Jared Hearld.
As I said, it was awesome! I just wanted to update as to my last couple days!
God bless and God speed!
Fel
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
...how I love this...
Written below is the word of solemn declaration that each knight was required to swear before he could receive his knighthood.
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies.
Be brave and upright that God may love thee.
Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death.
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.
That is your oath."
How beautiful, and how simple is the call for chivalry that had been in old times; and how I wish the day of modern inclination could adapt the truth and magnitude of such things. But "it is not necessary anymore" as one teacher once proclaimed in his state of what he thought was defeat... But what could be more necessary? The small and simple things that make humans what they are, and what COULD elevate all of us to better thinking, stronger wills, and motivate us to more acts of integrity
That is the question of the day, in the labor of our time.
God Bless...
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies.
Be brave and upright that God may love thee.
Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death.
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.
That is your oath."
How beautiful, and how simple is the call for chivalry that had been in old times; and how I wish the day of modern inclination could adapt the truth and magnitude of such things. But "it is not necessary anymore" as one teacher once proclaimed in his state of what he thought was defeat... But what could be more necessary? The small and simple things that make humans what they are, and what COULD elevate all of us to better thinking, stronger wills, and motivate us to more acts of integrity
That is the question of the day, in the labor of our time.
God Bless...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Today...
...has been a little better than the rest of this week. Some updates of the season are as follows.
1) We had another competition for marching band yesterday(October 20) and the band did well. We took first over all in our class, but we only took one caption home; 'Outstanding musical performance'. Percussion took second by 0.7 points as did colorguard by the same amount. Visual was also second by 1.0 point. It doesnt' sound like very much but 1-6 place is usually between a 3.0 spread. I reviewed the film and know what we need to work on to improve our show as a guard, and hopefully this weekend at the TIMP comp we will do better. We are looking for a clean sweep and we hope it happens.
2) I am having a new Latin Medley done for my ballroom team and so far it is doing fantastic considering we haven't been able to work that medley for three weeks. It is suffering at present, but it should quickly come together starting tonight as we re-awaken its soul from slumber. I also had the costume seemstress come in today to take measurements for those costumes and finally get started on them. It leaves my soul excited for that to be completed.
3) I am looking into some possible graveyard security work, seeing how that may be the only time I would be able to work another job, during the dark hours of the revolution. It call for 32 hours/week monday-thursday. I know it would literally kill me if i ran a life like that, working everyday, and only sleeping for a couple hours a night if that, and then being able to sleep a couple hours during the day as well...I don't know if it is smart...but it might be needed....who knows??
4) There is a day in every life, where one must reflect on things past, things present, and things future. No one really knows the reasons why they were, are, or how they will be, but one will always question. I consider photo's I possess, letters I read, phone numbers I wish to call, and the mirror that I see every morning with the short and sweet message it carries, and only by request am I silenced...Yes, the information of conjured moments of greatness still bring a smile.
5) About the monster...it seems that the heart was willing to fight, even at the risk of losing loyalty from one close to me. Words became the fists that were swung, elevated voices became the knives that were thrown, and in the end guns of vocabulary were loaded and fired; It became dirty. The mess surely awoke the sleeping giant of anger and frustration, and nearly let loose its path of devastation. Thank goodness for the wake of calm that somehow found its way through the fire and the noise...settling my breaking heart, it took command of the situation and made manifest to me, the way to leave the beast at rest and still fight the battle in a manner fit for reconciliation. All has become well with it, and still the monster sleeps; where I hope to keep him until the end of reckoning. I cannot share the specific details of those involved, but know it is well...for now.
6) I cannot believe how much this world tells us we can not do...they truly want us to give up, or to give in to the pressures of inadequacies. How is it, that the world we are to succeed in, is so concerned with being the cause of frailty? My kids in education, struggle so much with the homes they live in and the world they EXIST in because all they hear is that they are incapable of performance. Damned to the depths to all those who promote that kind of mentality. To any of those who feel under the reigning hail of negligence and negativity, whether they be dear sentiments of my heart, new or veteran students of mine, simple aquaintances, or all the likes there-of, my will of mind and soul are out in reach to you. Rise above the voice of pessimism. Believe in yourself as much as I do. See what God see's in you. Only then will you know and realize what you are truly capable of, and then result in the true character and nature of what you will become.
This man speaks in truth, and always will, even if it may lead to his death...
I love you~
To everyone who may read,
God bless and God speed.
1) We had another competition for marching band yesterday(October 20) and the band did well. We took first over all in our class, but we only took one caption home; 'Outstanding musical performance'. Percussion took second by 0.7 points as did colorguard by the same amount. Visual was also second by 1.0 point. It doesnt' sound like very much but 1-6 place is usually between a 3.0 spread. I reviewed the film and know what we need to work on to improve our show as a guard, and hopefully this weekend at the TIMP comp we will do better. We are looking for a clean sweep and we hope it happens.
2) I am having a new Latin Medley done for my ballroom team and so far it is doing fantastic considering we haven't been able to work that medley for three weeks. It is suffering at present, but it should quickly come together starting tonight as we re-awaken its soul from slumber. I also had the costume seemstress come in today to take measurements for those costumes and finally get started on them. It leaves my soul excited for that to be completed.
3) I am looking into some possible graveyard security work, seeing how that may be the only time I would be able to work another job, during the dark hours of the revolution. It call for 32 hours/week monday-thursday. I know it would literally kill me if i ran a life like that, working everyday, and only sleeping for a couple hours a night if that, and then being able to sleep a couple hours during the day as well...I don't know if it is smart...but it might be needed....who knows??
4) There is a day in every life, where one must reflect on things past, things present, and things future. No one really knows the reasons why they were, are, or how they will be, but one will always question. I consider photo's I possess, letters I read, phone numbers I wish to call, and the mirror that I see every morning with the short and sweet message it carries, and only by request am I silenced...Yes, the information of conjured moments of greatness still bring a smile.
5) About the monster...it seems that the heart was willing to fight, even at the risk of losing loyalty from one close to me. Words became the fists that were swung, elevated voices became the knives that were thrown, and in the end guns of vocabulary were loaded and fired; It became dirty. The mess surely awoke the sleeping giant of anger and frustration, and nearly let loose its path of devastation. Thank goodness for the wake of calm that somehow found its way through the fire and the noise...settling my breaking heart, it took command of the situation and made manifest to me, the way to leave the beast at rest and still fight the battle in a manner fit for reconciliation. All has become well with it, and still the monster sleeps; where I hope to keep him until the end of reckoning. I cannot share the specific details of those involved, but know it is well...for now.
6) I cannot believe how much this world tells us we can not do...they truly want us to give up, or to give in to the pressures of inadequacies. How is it, that the world we are to succeed in, is so concerned with being the cause of frailty? My kids in education, struggle so much with the homes they live in and the world they EXIST in because all they hear is that they are incapable of performance. Damned to the depths to all those who promote that kind of mentality. To any of those who feel under the reigning hail of negligence and negativity, whether they be dear sentiments of my heart, new or veteran students of mine, simple aquaintances, or all the likes there-of, my will of mind and soul are out in reach to you. Rise above the voice of pessimism. Believe in yourself as much as I do. See what God see's in you. Only then will you know and realize what you are truly capable of, and then result in the true character and nature of what you will become.
This man speaks in truth, and always will, even if it may lead to his death...
I love you~
To everyone who may read,
God bless and God speed.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Just a few things that I am thinking about...
1) ...I am in a hard place, cornered, by kindness and submissiveness on one hand, and legal right on the other. I am forced into a situation that is creating something inside that I thought was put to rest long ago.
A monster.
My hands have never been raised in offense, nor have they responded in like of offense, in order of defense. I simply just take the blows as they come, and walk away. I am the kind of individual that will turn into the fight, and take the blows so as to end the conflict. I think nothing much of it, and just move on. But now I feel as if that will simply not work anymore...
That monster is being reborn, I can feel it. If I act upon the kind, passive, and submissive heart that is my life, it will slay the monster...but it will leave me crippled, and many of those around me crippled as well, unable to fend for themselves, for they know not the place in which they stand, and before they would ever find out, it would be too late...
If I act upon the hand of the law, it will give birth to this monster, raising metaphorical hands to battle against those around me, and sending that monster to dwell in the hearts of those close to me. I do not fear that monster in others, for I believe I was born to battle such demons, and to come out triumphant by suppressing the monster in myself in order to fight it in others.
But alas...to awaken that beast in order to protect the young at hand, means to sacrifice the dungeon in which this monster is held prisoner. To tear down the walls and set him free...
Can I be at peace while crippling those that can not fend for themselves...?
Can my soul rest knowing I have set free a demon to reign in the hearts of those close to me...?
I know not, but what I do know is this...I guess everyone has a breaking point.
2) The rules are always and ever present. They have not changed, nor will time tell if they will ever be without power to govern. Though I have broken them, more often than you may ever know, please understand that I mean it...power comes in the act of the meaningful, but to what end?
3) I have now been layed-off of my other employment position at windsor park because of the economy and the fall of finances. What that means, is simply that if I am to cover the expenses required to live in this world I must now seek more labor induced employment to meet those financial needs and obligations.
4) I am tired....I am exhausted....I am the wake after the storm, the calm in the distance, and the whisper that hails the hands of reconciliation.
....I am me....
is it enough?
A monster.
My hands have never been raised in offense, nor have they responded in like of offense, in order of defense. I simply just take the blows as they come, and walk away. I am the kind of individual that will turn into the fight, and take the blows so as to end the conflict. I think nothing much of it, and just move on. But now I feel as if that will simply not work anymore...
That monster is being reborn, I can feel it. If I act upon the kind, passive, and submissive heart that is my life, it will slay the monster...but it will leave me crippled, and many of those around me crippled as well, unable to fend for themselves, for they know not the place in which they stand, and before they would ever find out, it would be too late...
If I act upon the hand of the law, it will give birth to this monster, raising metaphorical hands to battle against those around me, and sending that monster to dwell in the hearts of those close to me. I do not fear that monster in others, for I believe I was born to battle such demons, and to come out triumphant by suppressing the monster in myself in order to fight it in others.
But alas...to awaken that beast in order to protect the young at hand, means to sacrifice the dungeon in which this monster is held prisoner. To tear down the walls and set him free...
Can I be at peace while crippling those that can not fend for themselves...?
Can my soul rest knowing I have set free a demon to reign in the hearts of those close to me...?
I know not, but what I do know is this...I guess everyone has a breaking point.
2) The rules are always and ever present. They have not changed, nor will time tell if they will ever be without power to govern. Though I have broken them, more often than you may ever know, please understand that I mean it...power comes in the act of the meaningful, but to what end?
3) I have now been layed-off of my other employment position at windsor park because of the economy and the fall of finances. What that means, is simply that if I am to cover the expenses required to live in this world I must now seek more labor induced employment to meet those financial needs and obligations.
4) I am tired....I am exhausted....I am the wake after the storm, the calm in the distance, and the whisper that hails the hands of reconciliation.
....I am me....
is it enough?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
The Ride of your life...
Enjoy the ride; There is no return ticket
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help..
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help..
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Hope...
...it seems, is more a sense of humorous irony than anything else...I don't mean to condone the possibility of hope, or the existence of hope, for God knows I live my life, build my expectations, and create the realm in which I teach the youth of our world, exactly what hope is...
But it is in the realm of hope that I find the strongest architecture of irony. The hope for the future is how I build the mentality of the youth I teach, its how I mold the thought process and patterns of how they see. It is the basis of how they learn to feel with their heart.
I teach them that hope is the first step to being able to see what I refer to as the intended future...no I am not saying that I can see the future, but rather I can feel the intended future for several of those around me, and in hope, for myself.
When I can place my hand on the mind of someone close to me, or my finger tips on the heart of someone dear to me, its then that I can secure a communication port between hearts and minds. Only then does it happen...I feel the impression of images and intentions of what seems to be things that have not come to pass...I don't claim they are real, I don't claim to be a seer, I don't claim to be a prophet, in fact, I usually don't share them with many people if any at all. I simply connect, see, feel, and then in most cases, wonder...
In the event that I might share it with someone of whom I have "read", many many weeks, or even months later when something I say transpires, someone always asks me how I knew? I have nothing to say except it is a lucky guess. Is it? I don't know...it happens more often than not, and to me it is really more of a curse than a blessing as most people like to think of it.
How would you like to be able to touch someone...ascend from this mere plain of Consciousness, and suddenly connect to them on a level that you didn't want to? You feel what they feel...but only for a moment...then it is that you realize the depths of despair, or the state of need, or the emotional unrest that they are prisoners of...and even worse...you know there is nothing that you can do to change what you see and feel....
How would it be?
The one person I wish I could see or feel...was myself. How does one connect with himself in order to see the things in his own future? Is that possible? Or is it only given that he may see that of those close to him, in order to help them through...?
Is this truly a blessing...? Or a darkening curse...?
Still I work with all heart and hope, to keep hope alive for those around me...and for myself. But what will it merit? Hopefully the best of that which we call happiness...
...and still I find myself hoping.....
But it is in the realm of hope that I find the strongest architecture of irony. The hope for the future is how I build the mentality of the youth I teach, its how I mold the thought process and patterns of how they see. It is the basis of how they learn to feel with their heart.
I teach them that hope is the first step to being able to see what I refer to as the intended future...no I am not saying that I can see the future, but rather I can feel the intended future for several of those around me, and in hope, for myself.
When I can place my hand on the mind of someone close to me, or my finger tips on the heart of someone dear to me, its then that I can secure a communication port between hearts and minds. Only then does it happen...I feel the impression of images and intentions of what seems to be things that have not come to pass...I don't claim they are real, I don't claim to be a seer, I don't claim to be a prophet, in fact, I usually don't share them with many people if any at all. I simply connect, see, feel, and then in most cases, wonder...
In the event that I might share it with someone of whom I have "read", many many weeks, or even months later when something I say transpires, someone always asks me how I knew? I have nothing to say except it is a lucky guess. Is it? I don't know...it happens more often than not, and to me it is really more of a curse than a blessing as most people like to think of it.
How would you like to be able to touch someone...ascend from this mere plain of Consciousness, and suddenly connect to them on a level that you didn't want to? You feel what they feel...but only for a moment...then it is that you realize the depths of despair, or the state of need, or the emotional unrest that they are prisoners of...and even worse...you know there is nothing that you can do to change what you see and feel....
How would it be?
The one person I wish I could see or feel...was myself. How does one connect with himself in order to see the things in his own future? Is that possible? Or is it only given that he may see that of those close to him, in order to help them through...?
Is this truly a blessing...? Or a darkening curse...?
Still I work with all heart and hope, to keep hope alive for those around me...and for myself. But what will it merit? Hopefully the best of that which we call happiness...
...and still I find myself hoping.....
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Checking in...
...so you may hopefully know that all is well.
Details will come later, I promise.
I am well.
"Many thanks your grace", for checking in with me...and sharing with me the elements of life that keep you.
Details will come later, I promise.
I am well.
"Many thanks your grace", for checking in with me...and sharing with me the elements of life that keep you.
The evolution of the past...
His name is Hidalgo. Name taken from a film wherein a man's horse was named Hidalgo. A great film of adventure, intrigue, loyalty, risk, and love, Hidalgo served as the man's primary loyalty. Vast memories he held with Hidalgo, harnessed and cultivated with sentiment that could not be compared with any others in his class. Though there were many that were similar, this one was indeed special because of the way he was raised. He lived with him, ate with him, raced with him, and then eventually Hidalgo saved his life. Hidalgo was chosen for this particular Entity in my life because He and I have done the very things that had been done in the film...and eventually, he even saved my life....
Her name is Trinity. Also taken from the concept of a film titled "The Matrix". Trinity's roll was designed to be one of the main assisting factors in the main character's(Neo) quest to understanding. Although she was skeptical at first, as was I, in the naming of this Entity, confirmation came to me when I had a unique experience with her. Waiting for a red light to change to green, a 2007(Year being 2006) Toyota Celica pulled up next to me with a man wearing a suit and sunglasses. He turned to me, gave me the look, and when the light flashed to green we were off. Suddenly the message came to me..."an agent" was on my tail, and she was in flight to make sure she stayed ahead. Pure heart, and clean black curves, Trinity had become true to her name, outrunning the agent, and out living her expected life. As had become tradition with all entities, she too saved my life....
Many of you have met this Entity already. Graced with the name that no doubt is suitable for not only her appearance, this entity bears a name that holds true value in more ways than just one. Bella was given to honor the memory of a dear one close to me. Her name in actual script, B.E.L.L.A., serves as an acronym each letter representing a quality I found in such a dear friend.
Beautiful
Elegant
Lovely
Lavish
Altruistic
B.E.L.L.A. then became the standard for which I would search....search for someone who could fill the void that had become the emptiness in my heart. Even as trinity had become the attending lady in my life, teaching me much, B.E.L.L.A. had become the living lady in my heart offering me the memory, and the standard that will remain with me till that emptiness be filled.
From the rolling mountain territory that governed the march of Hidalgo, to the standard of hope that had become of B.E.L.L.A., I offer you now the name of the Entity that now carries the endeavors of my heart in the world. This Entity was chosen based on a character concept in a video game. Becoming the protagonist in the story of a young character, Tidus is thrown into a world that was not his own, nor of his own interests. However seeing the need to be there, and the necessity of his existence there, he realized as he bonded with his new friends, that they will have much more in life than just to simply exist. Tidus has become the protagonist in my life, aiding in every way possible, becoming a savior in one of my direst times of secular and physical demand.
I present: Tidus
Every Entity, and I choose the word "Entity" because I believe that each one is such; an entity of life. I do not believe in inanimate life, because how can something be inanimate, if it is life? How can it be an inanimate object, when objects are made of the same things we are....life. They see and they feel. They hear and they listen. They speak and they understand. They live, and they love.
....such is the evolution of the past.....
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