Return of the Fusc...

....and what a return it was! So I know I haven't been able to update this, and there is reason, and I guess there is excuse as to why. I will tell and you can decide which is which...

So, last week I had the most incredible amount of things to do, in so LITTLE time. Just an over all busy week. I missed every session of General conference last weekend(which has never happened in my entire life), but it it did. Backing up a few days....

Friday I had a full day of teaching and then I had to judge battle of the bands. At first I was a little unsure of what to expect, and i didn't really want to do it. But I met the other two judges on the panel, and we all decided we had a lot in common, and we all felt a little better about judging the even.

Needless to say, there were some bands that did quite well(congrats to one of my own former students, Benjamin Xochimitl, who won the battle of bands as a solo act), and then there were some that just did not belong there at all...

We got done around 11 or so I think...and then I had to go home, and get ready for the prelim round of guard on saturday morning. Roy high school here we come! We had tremendous success during our season. As I mentioned in previous posts, we were bumped up two classes, and then we took fourth in prelim rounds out of 13 guards(largest class in in the association) which meant we were invited to participate in the state finals! We took 5th in finals! Congrats to the guard at provo who worked so hard to learn how to invest their hearts into their show! Way to go Provo!!!! I love you guys!

We got done late, and then had to drive home. Home came around 1:30 or 2:00am. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to fix my luggage, do my laundry, and then get packed for the tour I was leaving on the next morning at 7:00am!

Home - 2:00am
Fixing luggage 2:19 - 3:27(I totally fixed it to perfection)
Laundry 2:12 - 4:39
Packing 2:40 - 4:51
Sleep 5:00 - 7:15
Loading the bus 7:50 - 8:30
On the road 9:00am

What a couple a two days eh?!

Tour was to long beach california where we boarded the Carnival Cruise Vessel "Paradise"



By far the most luxurious tour I have ever been on with my kids! 5 days of shows, lounging, shopping, diving, mexico, sea breezes, and of course, the after shocks of sea sickness!

I got home and it is now sunday afternoon and I am still feeling the wave movements in my brain, and if watched closely...my body still sways to the movement of the "sea" that is no longer here...

Feeling a little sick and woozy from time to time....I think everyone else was feeling it too when we got back...its quite the experience. If ever I was to get drunk, I think this is what it would feel like!

That is the update I have for you, and I am sure more will come when more comes in the ever exciting life of Vir Fusc!

God bless and God speed!

Oel ngáti kámeie

Checking in :)

Ok, so the last few weeks have been utterly trying and extremely busy! Choir, Guard, Ballroom, and life...

So in the last few competitions for guard we have had some ups and downs. From 4th place to 9th place, and then back to 4th it was sure a roller coaster ride but we made it. And now we are pushing for a placement at the next competition. If we are able to place we will be invited to attend the championship at Roy High School on April 3rd. I would say "here's to hoping" but then that would suggest that we are leaving it up to chance and not work. So here's to working! We have an unusual situation with the guard here...we have 16 on our team, and most of them have had no formal weapon training at all...and yet they come, and the diligently work and perform with their hearts and souls. They are learning how to become invested in the message they are portraying for those who watch us. The heart is so important in everything we do, I pray we who have claimed to have found it....will never lose it....it will set us free.....

We also had the national competition for ballroom last week and needless to say, as it said on my facebook update..."nationals becomes a very long week in a very short time". But even so, long as it was, we sure had a great run as a JV team here at Provo high. We qualified for Division 1 latin which was a blow away for all of us here on the team including myself. Not that I didn't think we could, but it was a medley in its first year, and one of MY medleys none the less. I know my kids are all capable of achieving excellence, but I wonder about MY personal work...and if it is capable of division one....to be rated among the best of choreography and teams in the nation. But we did it and I congratulate my kids for it! Well done! Also, we placed first it the division 2 Standard championships! National championship title, sure is a great thing to have under the belt! Again, great job to my ever amazing kids!

Choir has been a running adventure! Wow have I learned...the intricacies of a young musicians mind...how they think and how they operate. "Was I like this as a young man?" I often wondered as I was teaching choir.... I had the kids write an essay about them so I could read them. Nothing specific, just "Why?". It gave me an avenue to travel that was in direct correlation with the mind set of the kids in choir. It took me three weeks to finally learn how to meld in with the kids in choir...and after that? ....Magic started to happen. In the end, Chamber went to region festival, and against what seemed all odds and other incredibly talented choirs in the region we did our best. We went out on stage, looked them in the eye with a gaze that seemed to say, "WE ARE PROVO"

......we made state......

I knew they would, and they needed to know they could....and they did. To my choir students, God bless you for realizing where your potential sat dormant, and even more so for tapping in to that reserve. I know you will do amazing at state. I will be there....now....and at state...listening. God Bless you.

I believe Life is in tune with the unusually unexpected...we laugh, we love, we hope, we try, we hurt, need, fear, and then we cry.....and through all these things of the unexpected and even unusual we find a sense of similarity between all of us...we desire those things that make us who we are. And even though we may end up in a slight sense of devastation, we yet desire then for what we become when we experience those things. And like I asked my choir kids....."Why?" And to the answer so simple and beautiful I must with my whole soul...agree.

Because it will set us free....for we are truly alive and free, when in the hands of someone we call dear...

Dreacis

Extenuating weeks....

...have come since the start of the new semester here at Provo High. Dance, Choir, Band, and Guard have all but nearly consumed the part of existence we call life...but I love it, and that is why I keep on it.

When things in life come to mind, I am often taken to reflection...

Where was I in the grand scenery of accomplishment?
Have I come to the place I am supposed to be?
Am I become of the person who created me so?
Do I love, like I would hope to be loved?

...Are the memories of this life, written in the words, colors, and people that I would want to have endure for the eternities to come...?

God hold my heart, and make it so.

This is out to you, who have made the memories of my heart, I love you dearly! And my soul reaches out for you, for in your memory I find a smile...one I shall wear till I die. :)

Mrs. Garrett had her baby not too long ago, and she brought it in so I could see and meet her little Molly Garrett. What an adorable addition to a wonderful life! I looked at her as she spoke of her new infant, and in a moment I understood how her joy had become like a full cup running over. Finally I understood...the nine months she carried her unborn child had built something so dear and cherished in her life, and the evidence of it was written across her smile. I dont' know what it is like to bear a child, or to bring one in to this world...but i understand something I didn't know before.... That I will never understand until it is my turn...

Putting down to rest, the old individual that she used to be in order to become something she had never been became so clear to me...the time preparing to bring life, merged the lives of her and her husband, and the child becoming of the family. I understand that now...I know that she will never forget the momories of her past that make her who she is, but also that she needed to accept the things that were changing in her behalf.

I too will never forget memories that have place in my soul, people who had become a heart beat to me...but in the count down of days, I too realized that although I care deeply about my dear friends, it is not my place to care FOR them.

I wanted to so badly, to be part of the lives of those close to me...and now I am nearly sure that it will never be. Even so, my memories will will never be forgotten of those kind and dear to me...

...I will always love you, that will never change.

Hey Jack guess what?! I'm sure you already know, but you are going to be a big brother now! How cool are you?! Don't worry little brother, I will check in on you, and make sure that you are doing well, both you and your new brother!

Wave_writer, I wish you everything in your endeavors bro. You truly deserve it! I know you will do amazing things with the talents you have, and the opportunities you will be given. Don't doubt yourself...God didn't doubt you when he gave them to you.

And to all...Always remember, all things that can happen will...

...God Bless and God Speed...

11:41

...is the time I started to write this. I am here because somewhere in this heart beat is the will to write.

I just got done watching Armageddon here at my home. Great movie of hope, fear, trial, victory, and love. It moves me...so here I am. I guess I now write so those things can grow in others like I think they grow in me. Not that I wish fears or trials on others, but rather the growth that comes from enduring them.

I love you all...dearly....

I just opened an email before getting on here, whilst I was watching the movie...Alegria, Cirque Du Soleil production is coming to Salt lake city, Utah. It will be the second show from cirque in one year that will be here for viewing at the E center. Needless to say, I am MORE than excited to see it. I opened the email, read what it contained, saw the name "Alegria" which means "jubilation" and for some reason my thoughts returned to you...

"Jubilation", or "extreme joy" is indeed what we all want or seek in this life...we all know that it is what we want. We all for the most part know why we want it, and yet as I have mentioned before in a previous post long ago, it is not the what or the why that makes life a challenge to live; It is the constant journey to and from the paradox of "HOW".

The road we walk is the "what", our stops are the "where's", our friends are the "who's", the memory's we obtain designate the "when's"...but what is it that makes the "how's" something that drives us to continue along the way?

Could the combination of "what's, where's, who's and when's" some how create the "how's" that teach us everything we need to know?

"Oel ngáti kámeie" or simply to say, "I see you" is something SO beautiful to me. When I recall to mind the who's, what's, where's, and when's, it is only then that the 'how' comes to mind...and there it is again. "Oel ngáti kámeie"... How could this have happened? How could I have done this? How could I be here? How could I accomplish all that I have? How are you still in my life? How am I a part of your life? Or am I at all? How is life to be lived? How does one keep hope? Hope for life, love, dreams, or this world? Oel ngáti kámeie...that is how. To see you...is to see everything....

My kids have done well this season and to that I am proud. They took 3rd in both standard and latin medley. Provo High Varsity was 1st, extreme ballroom was 2nd, and Provo JV was 3rd. How proud I was to stand there among my kids whom I cherish so dearly...and watch them take their place among those who thought them incapable. Nights such as those make me truly proud to be their coach. Not because of anything I could do for them, but everything they did for themselves. They beat every other Varsity or A team that was there competing...

I love them...

Well, I must take my leave now I am trying this thing that some say is healthy for me...more sleep or some ridiculous idea like that. I don't know what people are thinking when they say such incongruous strings of vocabulary...and yet I feel inclined to listen...maybe they are on to something??? We shall see...until next we speak over the intellectual waves cyberspace...

Oel ngáti kámeie

Questions Un-answered.......

So one must always ask, if out of nothing more than curiosity, how many people actually read this thing. Aside from how many,is the more important question of 'who'? I don't know who reads this or how much it means to anyone...but for a time, knowing that this blog was being read, meant everything to me...

What's it like...is it warm, or cold, is it over cast or sunny? To the common reader those questions would obviously refer to the weather, would it not? But it is not the weather of which I speak,it is the heart...

I speak those questions most importantly to my own heart...I recently bailed out of jail someone close to me. And to see that person released, walking with what seemed like shame before me, broke my heart. I couldn't determine why...inside I wanted so
desperately to be angry at this person...I wanted to unleash the burning fury that required me to relinquish my personal savings, which was not very much in the eyes of the world, to set this person free. Why should I have to take the earnings of my
labor, and place it at the feet of someone who seems to be so careless with their own life?

And then it hit me....'are you listening to yourself?','what are you saying?' I often like to think that I may have a heart inside me that deserves to keep beating in order to keep me alive...And then I catch myself in a state of thought that makes me feel like I have betrayed that heart. Is my heart so cold to think such cruel and hell bent thoughts? But wait it was warm and kind enough to perform that which was required to liberate someone from captivity....

Is my heart being over shadowed by something that causes me pain, doubt, and fear?
Or is it the element of light that brings hope,faith, and belief to others?

At times I think it has been all of the above.

I love this person. I do. My heart beats for the well being of this person, and thus
moved to help. But in result my heart was taken to anger, and disdain, because of
the things that were done. Is my heart two sided, or can it truly betray itself in the
thoughts that contradict each other? Can I wield both positive and negative emotions
at the same time? I don't know...

I have known myself to be one who, for the most part, acts upon the dictates of my heart....but what must I do when it feels like the dictates tell me to do two things that cannot be done. Either it must be one, or it must be the other...

On a different note, here are the recent events of the life of Vir Fusc(it means brown guy in Latin).

I still teach my two ballroom classes and coach the team at Provo High School, still assist with the symphonic band, I direct the color guard program, and now I teach four choir classes! Needless to say I think my teaching schedule has become incredibly busy...but as I have said before I think I like it that way. It keeps me busy, and therefore moving in mind and body.

My parents think I do too much, have too little time, and all my peers think I am insane because I sleep the usual 3 1/2ish hours a night to keep up with my schedule. Friends think I have no social life, but I do! It exists between the hours of 11pm and 1:30 am...at which point i am at home, getting ready for bed :)

Dad think I am going to go to hell because I haven't found a wife yet. I explain that I am busy, and that I am not looking right now to find a wife. He insists that I am under the influence of the devil because only the devil would say such things, so he can keep me away from salvation. Perhaps he is right...I don't know.

Choir is doing well, getting ready for region festival and tour. Band is good, but it is smaller than it was last semester and struggling a bit. Ballroom is doing better than ever, and I am excited to kick off in the competition season; They should do pretty well this year! Winter guard is also doing quite well. At our evaluation they bumped us up two classes because the kids did so well.

Life, love, friends, trials, labors, knowledge....experience. I hope I am doing what I can to have the best experience, so that I may provide a good experience for those whom I serve...

God bless and God speed...

Oel ngáti kámeie...

A wish...

...that at some point I could call you, just to say Merry Christmas, and happy new year! I know I will not be able to, but know that I am wishing you the best, in all things. Love moves in your direction, from my soul.

I love you my dear friend,

God bless..

Checking in-

~J~

Tsaheylu...

...Might be the most beautiful word that has ever entered into my heart and mind.

This is my official review of the movie ‘Avatar’



Deep inside the mentality of the human being is something terrible. The drive to accomplish. Although it can serve a proper purpose in all things, it is very seldom that we see that drive put into use, by the best hearts in this world.

‘Avatar’ very well could be one of the best movies I have EVER seen, if not the best. Not because it has some of the most intense actions sequences, which if you know anything about me, you will know that I fancy a good action scene; and not because the CG was incredible, and not because the story was good. Although all of those things contribute to the success of a good film, those are not the reasons for which I designate this movie as such.

When I buy a film to add to my DVD collection, my purchases are not based on the top selling movies out at the time, nor are they based on the MPAA rating of the film either. They are based on the quality of the message within the movie. And if you have looked through my DVD collection, you know that every single one of my movies, regardless of rating, could be found being viewed when my mother is present; And this particular movie, will certainly be found among those when the time comes.

In the movie, the protagonist of the story hits it right on the head when he makes a statement: “If they have something we want, we make them our enemies, and can then justify actions to take war against them.’ I can’t say for sure if that is quote accurate word for word, but it is close. When humans want something, they take action to make enemies, and then feel proper in justifying further action to suppress and drive anyone who is an enemy.

The ‘Navi’ are an indigenous population of humanoids that live on the planet Pandora. “They are VERY hard to kill” says the colonel in the movie. But even more important than how hard they are to kill, is the reason they are there.

They believe to be connected to the flow of life on this particular planet through an entity called “The Tree of Souls”. It bonds the entire race of Navi, to the ancestors that have preceded them, and all those that will proceed them as well. They love the land, and though there are creatures of considerable might, strength, and danger…all things on Pandora are respected. Even when life is taken, a prayer is offered to the almighty deity, to receive the life force.

The Antagonist of the movie, is the idea, and action of war. Why? Because everything in the eyes of the human being is about money. Because a little mineral called unobtanium sells for $20M/kilo, these humans are willing to destroy, sacrifice, and murder in order to have it. They forced the Navi out of home tree, by destroying it. Then they moved in on the very “Tree of souls” in order to not just relocate the Navi, but to eliminate them. And for what…? Money.

The Navi stood to uphold the very value that maintains life, the creates life, and conjures appreciation of life, and they were nearly destroyed for it. They understood that “Tsaheylu”, or “the bond” of life, was the most important thing on Pandora, and they were willing to fight to protect it.

Human beings are considered to be the most sophisticated race on the planet. And yet, as such, we are the only race that will go to war for anything that will grant us a little more power or money, whether it be that humans fight over women, men, sex, land, money, greed, power, or anything else that we feel might be ‘advantageous’. But if humans could only realize that it is truly ‘Tsaheylu’ that makes us everything we are. But they don’t…it’s the drive, the same drive that moves us to accomplish, and achieve what ever is ‘needed’ that makes humans slaves to what has become the new human nature; pride.

I know some of you will have no desire to see this film, and to that I urge that you see it anyway, at least once. Reason being, this may be the most accurate depiction of the human mentality I have ever seen.

God help the human race...

Checking in…

The 6th...

...sense is always an interesting subject of discussion. Some think its not real, many are terrified of its possible existence, and very few are even willing to test its presence. So I offer some insight, that might alter views and perceptions. Whether it does or does not, makes not difference to me.

Before serving a full time LDS mission, my mother did a couple things to help me prepare that at the time I thought were completely illogical, and quite ridiculous.

First, She sent me packing on a flight with a full size blanket and sheet set. I mean a big, thick, near comforter size blanket. Ridiculous right? I mean, I was going to Jamaica where the BAD winters might get down to a terrible 72 degrees or so. After a few weeks there and into the winter season, my body became climatized, and I indeed began to freeze there...I used that set my whole mission!

Thank you mother for sending me prepared.

Second, She packed my luggage with 12 extra shirts that I knew was just extra baggage that I wasn't going to need. I hated moving them out of the way every time I needed to repack or unpack in new areas. Little did I know how those would help me in the long run. I gave every single new shirt away to priesthood members that I had the privilege of baptizing down there. Was it coincidence? Or perhaps the evidential existence of what we call 'the 6th sense'?

Again, Thank you mother for sending me prepared.

And so in retrospect, I came up with things that I know I have developed in this life that also might share some insight into this idea.

Take the primary 5(in no specific order) and consider what they do.

1. Hear: To listen and convert the 'noise' of the world into messages understood by the brain

2. Smell: To breath in with the nose the fragrance of the world and convert the aromas into messages understood by the brain

3. Touch: To feel with the flesh the textures of the world and convert contact into messages understood by the brain.

4. Taste: To place something on the tongue and convert the characteristics of the world into messages understood by the brain.

5. Sight: To look at the world and convert color, depth, and object into messages understood by the brain.

But what if you could HEAR the colors, depth, and objects; SMELL the characteristics; TOUCH the noise; TASTE the fragrance; or LOOK at and interpret the textures by sight... Would this not constitute what we distinguish as possible evidence of 'the 6th sense'?

The interchangeable use of the primary senses, is a power that few are truly able to develop and use. That ability gives an intuitive perspective of the world we live in, and allows us to interpret primary signals into what many, if not most, would delegate as "wow" moments, simply because it seems as though some incredible feat was accomplished.

Consider the following:

- To hear the mountains and in result, smell a storm.

- To smell a stream and know before you taste the water that it runs from a pure spring.

- To taste a good meal simply by touching it with your hands.

- To touch a railroad line and know before sight could ever confirm that a train is indeed coming.

- To see a clear path by no other means than by listening...

One thing i know for sure...you don't need eyes to see...or ears to hear...or hands to feel...

These are small examples of the institution of 'the 6th sense'.

I hear mothers have the most exceptional development of this sensory perception. Most of the general world seems to fear and cower over the idea of "ESP" or extra sensory perception. Why should we be afraid of it? I know I will never be a mother, but I do wish to have the sensory capabilities that I know my mother has demonstrated in my behalf and in behalf of my safety and well being.

To all mothers out there, God bless you

Checking in...

~J~

LLP

...And no I am not talking about a limited liability practice or anything like that, I am simply talking about "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"

How is it that A.J. knew to write that in the D.O.I.? I wonder what it means...and what it is exactly...

After many long hours, deep contemplation, steady meditation, here is what I have come up with:

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness is alive only in ones heart...Life is given within every solitary beat that indeed proclaims I am alive. Liberty is exercised within every breath that fills my lungs! To inhale the very freedom that delegates the capability of our voices, allows us continuity of comfort by speaking...and how comfortable it is to speak with one, or many, that we find dear...the ones we share heart beats with.

And finally...the pursuit of happiness. The pursuit...is it a road we travel, or a path we are creating? Is it a job, career, house or income? Is it a person? Or perhaps an idea...?

All these things make me feel what I understand to be happiness. Memory, people, place, involvement, and you.....All things delegate what makes me happy...

Checking in....

~J~

Checking in, December 5

I never quite understand why the things happen the way they do...all I know is that when in need there has always come a way that I could be provided for.

Its Christmas season, and I have done a good deal of shopping and most of it is done! Happy day! However, with the economic downfall ever in progress, jobs are looking more and more scarce. Sad day when we come to such things...

In the positive note, referring to earlier in the post, I have been watched over so well, that it would be foolish to say there has not been a higher power at work in my behalf.

I am the assistant program director of the Provo high ballroom program, the assistant director of the symphonic band at provo high, the color guard director at provo high, and starting next week as observation, and officially at the term end IN january, I will be taking over the choir program in place of the usual teacher who will be taking maternity leave for 6-8 weeks.

Here is how the rundown looks for the spring season:

January - March Competitive ballroom season including the nationals at BYU
January - April Competitive winter guard season including State championships at west high school.
January - March Choir Festival season including region here in utah.
January - March Musical(Fantasticks) at provo high.

Needless to say I think I am going to be EXTREMELY busy over the next several months...

People ask me how I do so much, and why?

All I can tell them is that I am in a place where I have turned everything inside off, and I like it that way. I keep myself busy enough that there is no place for things like that...at least not right now...

Everything is well, and I hope you know that I would only speak the truth.

B, it makes me happy that things are well for you. Congrats again on the new life! I am truly happy for you! :-)

I wish you the most very merry Christmas!

Checking in...

~J~

The Future...

If you knew that your future would effect someone else's future, would you tell that other person, or just let the chips lay where they fall?

Who wants a go with this one? Interesting as it is, that this question is on my mind...

Most people think time is like a river, flowing swift and sure in one direction. But I can tell you they are wrong. Time is an ocean in a storm...and we are the elements...

If you behold the ocean in its tranquil and serene state, it is vast, deep, cold and possessive, and most important full of life. Within the depths of waters you will find that the serenity remains, and the tranquility of life is sustained. But above, the face of the deep is tossed and thrown according to the elements.

Time, the future, is then disrupted by the elements of the storm.

If we as elements of the storm can effect the ocean, one must ask: Why? If we knew what we could do, and the effects of those actions, would we really do them?

If I were the traffic light controlling the flow of traffic, am I really controlling it? Or am I just hoping to control it? It is established in place to maintain order...but someone, anyone can disrupt it at any time, making residual effects in front, and behind.

Time in the ocean is the same...would I act knowing that those deeds would effect the future pools of those around me...

...my heart says yes...

Jeez!

Jack...buddy, you really are gonna make someone kill over, and it might be me... I just hope you are doing well, and that you really do take it easy for a little while so we all don't have heart burn or anything.

Know that I am looking out for you buddy!

Love ya~

...me...

12 November 2009

I am here, getting ready to start the winter season. The old team, and those interested in becoming part of the new winter team will be here right after school to make the recruiting posters and advertisements to hang around the school. I have finally completed the rendition of mixed themes and music that I will be using to write the new show, and it is, as far as my opinion is concerned, amazing.

"Now we are free"

This is the name of the show, and the musical themes are those of the Gladiator soundtrack. The idea is to portray through flag and rifle movement, the story of Maximus Decimus Meridius. General, Father, Husband...slave. Taken after his family were murdered and crucified alive, to become a slave sold into the provinces of the roman empire.

The themes articulate the moments in his life that make the story of such epic caliber. Each changing musical theme will illustrate a different part of his story, taking him from military power, stripped and left with nothing as a slave, then to the arena where he then brought the might of rome to its knees through the defiant acts as an arena gladiator.

His story then becomes that of true "Strength and Honor".

Strength and Honor

To know what that means, is seemingly beyond me...to possess true knowledge of our bodies, and in everything we know in our hearts to be the worth of integrity, and then to be able to manifest all to those with whom we associate, is how honor is acquired and maintained.

I listen to the musical show which I have now created, and I see so much. I hear so much. I feel so much. And yet it is truly interesting, that to behold what I do, to witness the effects of my hopes, they lie in a simple act of 'checking in'.

I want you to see the show...I wish you could be here, to share with you what I love... only time will tell, what will become.

God Bless

Fel

Hey buddy...

....Jack! What are you doing buddy? Giving people a heart attack??? Man, it is pretty demanding of the heart beat when you go and do things like involve yourself in the need to have stitches....!!! j/k, You are still my buddy, and you always will be.

I just didn't know that I could comment on your blog buddy...I wasn't sure if that was kosher...but if it is, I could be commenting on your blog a lot more than you might like...

Just know that there is always a check in. I am sorry if it has been a while, tour, and competitions, and such...I am always eager to hear as much as is possible, and yes, I do read. I really do...

God bless, and God speed...

as we all have the need.

...me...

Checking in, November 9...

We got back from our tour form marching band and needless to say, we did quite well. First over all in our division, along with the outstanding musical performance caption. Had we competed up a class our points would have set us at second in 3A(class above us), and second in 4A(two classes above us) as well.

The trip was amazing. I did something with my girls that i wish I had done long ago. I experimented with a method to get them in the right frame of mentality...to have fun while on the field. I will not disclose all the details of the method, but know that it was by far the best performance that they have had all season, and the method proved extremely effective. I shall implement it more often in the seasons to come.

I am well...

All is well...

I love you~

God Bless

Fel~

Checking in, November 2 2009

A good day! Much more beautiful than many of the other days have been for the last several weeks. I can't believe how nice it has been...another thing that is simply beautiful.

Other news of considerable nature...my grandfather passed away last week. It was a bit sudden, but also more expected than not. He was a great man, and more man than most men who have lived in this world.

He worked until his body quit on him. When he was not working, which was seldom, he was at the temple doing the work of the Lord. When he retired, he never really retired. Every day he would walk the several blocks to the temple where he would perform ordinances all day long, as long as he could.

A true man of God, and a true man of the family.

God and family, in that order, is how his life was structured. He knew that the only way to sustain his family in the ways of God, was to serve God as best he could, and let God sustain his family as best he knew how.

We loved him dearly.

I however, am not able to attend the services. My two sisters and I will be staying in utah, as everyone else will be heading to hawaii for the services. He will be greatly missed, but he is also greatly needed where he is going.

God Bless and God speed...

Me

Checking in, October 28

Last night we had our band concert, and dare I say? It was clearly a tremendous success. 4 conductors in front of the bands at Provo high, (including myself) and all four of them deserving of the positions they held.

It was great. Big house, lots of people, great audience, good atmosphere, solid learning opportunity! I didn't think I would have been directing the band last night at the concert, but Mr. Hearld(Official hired band director) asked if we would be interested in directing because we had done so much work for the bands already. He said he wouldn't feel right not putting us up there in front of the ensemble's to direct because of how much we had done to help them.

Few in this world are as great a helpers and as good a directors as Jared Hearld.

As I said, it was awesome! I just wanted to update as to my last couple days!

God bless and God speed!

Fel

...how I love this...

Written below is the word of solemn declaration that each knight was required to swear before he could receive his knighthood.

"Be without fear in the face of your enemies.
Be brave and upright that God may love thee.
Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death.
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.
That is your oath."

How beautiful, and how simple is the call for chivalry that had been in old times; and how I wish the day of modern inclination could adapt the truth and magnitude of such things. But "it is not necessary anymore" as one teacher once proclaimed in his state of what he thought was defeat... But what could be more necessary? The small and simple things that make humans what they are, and what COULD elevate all of us to better thinking, stronger wills, and motivate us to more acts of integrity

That is the question of the day, in the labor of our time.

God Bless...

Today...

...has been a little better than the rest of this week. Some updates of the season are as follows.

1) We had another competition for marching band yesterday(October 20) and the band did well. We took first over all in our class, but we only took one caption home; 'Outstanding musical performance'. Percussion took second by 0.7 points as did colorguard by the same amount. Visual was also second by 1.0 point. It doesnt' sound like very much but 1-6 place is usually between a 3.0 spread. I reviewed the film and know what we need to work on to improve our show as a guard, and hopefully this weekend at the TIMP comp we will do better. We are looking for a clean sweep and we hope it happens.

2) I am having a new Latin Medley done for my ballroom team and so far it is doing fantastic considering we haven't been able to work that medley for three weeks. It is suffering at present, but it should quickly come together starting tonight as we re-awaken its soul from slumber. I also had the costume seemstress come in today to take measurements for those costumes and finally get started on them. It leaves my soul excited for that to be completed.

3) I am looking into some possible graveyard security work, seeing how that may be the only time I would be able to work another job, during the dark hours of the revolution. It call for 32 hours/week monday-thursday. I know it would literally kill me if i ran a life like that, working everyday, and only sleeping for a couple hours a night if that, and then being able to sleep a couple hours during the day as well...I don't know if it is smart...but it might be needed....who knows??

4) There is a day in every life, where one must reflect on things past, things present, and things future. No one really knows the reasons why they were, are, or how they will be, but one will always question. I consider photo's I possess, letters I read, phone numbers I wish to call, and the mirror that I see every morning with the short and sweet message it carries, and only by request am I silenced...Yes, the information of conjured moments of greatness still bring a smile.

5) About the monster...it seems that the heart was willing to fight, even at the risk of losing loyalty from one close to me. Words became the fists that were swung, elevated voices became the knives that were thrown, and in the end guns of vocabulary were loaded and fired; It became dirty. The mess surely awoke the sleeping giant of anger and frustration, and nearly let loose its path of devastation. Thank goodness for the wake of calm that somehow found its way through the fire and the noise...settling my breaking heart, it took command of the situation and made manifest to me, the way to leave the beast at rest and still fight the battle in a manner fit for reconciliation. All has become well with it, and still the monster sleeps; where I hope to keep him until the end of reckoning. I cannot share the specific details of those involved, but know it is well...for now.

6) I cannot believe how much this world tells us we can not do...they truly want us to give up, or to give in to the pressures of inadequacies. How is it, that the world we are to succeed in, is so concerned with being the cause of frailty? My kids in education, struggle so much with the homes they live in and the world they EXIST in because all they hear is that they are incapable of performance. Damned to the depths to all those who promote that kind of mentality. To any of those who feel under the reigning hail of negligence and negativity, whether they be dear sentiments of my heart, new or veteran students of mine, simple aquaintances, or all the likes there-of, my will of mind and soul are out in reach to you. Rise above the voice of pessimism. Believe in yourself as much as I do. See what God see's in you. Only then will you know and realize what you are truly capable of, and then result in the true character and nature of what you will become.

This man speaks in truth, and always will, even if it may lead to his death...

I love you~

To everyone who may read,
God bless and God speed.

Just a few things that I am thinking about...

1) ...I am in a hard place, cornered, by kindness and submissiveness on one hand, and legal right on the other. I am forced into a situation that is creating something inside that I thought was put to rest long ago.

A monster.

My hands have never been raised in offense, nor have they responded in like of offense, in order of defense. I simply just take the blows as they come, and walk away. I am the kind of individual that will turn into the fight, and take the blows so as to end the conflict. I think nothing much of it, and just move on. But now I feel as if that will simply not work anymore...

That monster is being reborn, I can feel it. If I act upon the kind, passive, and submissive heart that is my life, it will slay the monster...but it will leave me crippled, and many of those around me crippled as well, unable to fend for themselves, for they know not the place in which they stand, and before they would ever find out, it would be too late...

If I act upon the hand of the law, it will give birth to this monster, raising metaphorical hands to battle against those around me, and sending that monster to dwell in the hearts of those close to me. I do not fear that monster in others, for I believe I was born to battle such demons, and to come out triumphant by suppressing the monster in myself in order to fight it in others.

But alas...to awaken that beast in order to protect the young at hand, means to sacrifice the dungeon in which this monster is held prisoner. To tear down the walls and set him free...

Can I be at peace while crippling those that can not fend for themselves...?

Can my soul rest knowing I have set free a demon to reign in the hearts of those close to me...?

I know not, but what I do know is this...I guess everyone has a breaking point.

2) The rules are always and ever present. They have not changed, nor will time tell if they will ever be without power to govern. Though I have broken them, more often than you may ever know, please understand that I mean it...power comes in the act of the meaningful, but to what end?

3) I have now been layed-off of my other employment position at windsor park because of the economy and the fall of finances. What that means, is simply that if I am to cover the expenses required to live in this world I must now seek more labor induced employment to meet those financial needs and obligations.

4) I am tired....I am exhausted....I am the wake after the storm, the calm in the distance, and the whisper that hails the hands of reconciliation.

....I am me....

is it enough?

The Ride of your life...

Enjoy the ride; There is no return ticket

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help..

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..

Still here...

...and checking in. :-)

Love ya~

Hope...

...it seems, is more a sense of humorous irony than anything else...I don't mean to condone the possibility of hope, or the existence of hope, for God knows I live my life, build my expectations, and create the realm in which I teach the youth of our world, exactly what hope is...

But it is in the realm of hope that I find the strongest architecture of irony. The hope for the future is how I build the mentality of the youth I teach, its how I mold the thought process and patterns of how they see. It is the basis of how they learn to feel with their heart.

I teach them that hope is the first step to being able to see what I refer to as the intended future...no I am not saying that I can see the future, but rather I can feel the intended future for several of those around me, and in hope, for myself.

When I can place my hand on the mind of someone close to me, or my finger tips on the heart of someone dear to me, its then that I can secure a communication port between hearts and minds. Only then does it happen...I feel the impression of images and intentions of what seems to be things that have not come to pass...I don't claim they are real, I don't claim to be a seer, I don't claim to be a prophet, in fact, I usually don't share them with many people if any at all. I simply connect, see, feel, and then in most cases, wonder...

In the event that I might share it with someone of whom I have "read", many many weeks, or even months later when something I say transpires, someone always asks me how I knew? I have nothing to say except it is a lucky guess. Is it? I don't know...it happens more often than not, and to me it is really more of a curse than a blessing as most people like to think of it.

How would you like to be able to touch someone...ascend from this mere plain of Consciousness, and suddenly connect to them on a level that you didn't want to? You feel what they feel...but only for a moment...then it is that you realize the depths of despair, or the state of need, or the emotional unrest that they are prisoners of...and even worse...you know there is nothing that you can do to change what you see and feel....

How would it be?

The one person I wish I could see or feel...was myself. How does one connect with himself in order to see the things in his own future? Is that possible? Or is it only given that he may see that of those close to him, in order to help them through...?

Is this truly a blessing...? Or a darkening curse...?

Still I work with all heart and hope, to keep hope alive for those around me...and for myself. But what will it merit? Hopefully the best of that which we call happiness...

...and still I find myself hoping.....

Checking in...

...so you may hopefully know that all is well.

Details will come later, I promise.

I am well.

"Many thanks your grace", for checking in with me...and sharing with me the elements of life that keep you.

The evolution of the past...

His name is Hidalgo. Name taken from a film wherein a man's horse was named Hidalgo. A great film of adventure, intrigue, loyalty, risk, and love, Hidalgo served as the man's primary loyalty. Vast memories he held with Hidalgo, harnessed and cultivated with sentiment that could not be compared with any others in his class. Though there were many that were similar, this one was indeed special because of the way he was raised. He lived with him, ate with him, raced with him, and then eventually Hidalgo saved his life. Hidalgo was chosen for this particular Entity in my life because He and I have done the very things that had been done in the film...and eventually, he even saved my life....



Her name is Trinity. Also taken from the concept of a film titled "The Matrix". Trinity's roll was designed to be one of the main assisting factors in the main character's(Neo) quest to understanding. Although she was skeptical at first, as was I, in the naming of this Entity, confirmation came to me when I had a unique experience with her. Waiting for a red light to change to green, a 2007(Year being 2006) Toyota Celica pulled up next to me with a man wearing a suit and sunglasses. He turned to me, gave me the look, and when the light flashed to green we were off. Suddenly the message came to me..."an agent" was on my tail, and she was in flight to make sure she stayed ahead. Pure heart, and clean black curves, Trinity had become true to her name, outrunning the agent, and out living her expected life. As had become tradition with all entities, she too saved my life....




Many of you have met this Entity already. Graced with the name that no doubt is suitable for not only her appearance, this entity bears a name that holds true value in more ways than just one. Bella was given to honor the memory of a dear one close to me. Her name in actual script, B.E.L.L.A., serves as an acronym each letter representing a quality I found in such a dear friend.

Beautiful
Elegant
Lovely
Lavish
Altruistic

B.E.L.L.A. then became the standard for which I would search....search for someone who could fill the void that had become the emptiness in my heart. Even as trinity had become the attending lady in my life, teaching me much, B.E.L.L.A. had become the living lady in my heart offering me the memory, and the standard that will remain with me till that emptiness be filled.

From the rolling mountain territory that governed the march of Hidalgo, to the standard of hope that had become of B.E.L.L.A., I offer you now the name of the Entity that now carries the endeavors of my heart in the world. This Entity was chosen based on a character concept in a video game. Becoming the protagonist in the story of a young character, Tidus is thrown into a world that was not his own, nor of his own interests. However seeing the need to be there, and the necessity of his existence there, he realized as he bonded with his new friends, that they will have much more in life than just to simply exist. Tidus has become the protagonist in my life, aiding in every way possible, becoming a savior in one of my direst times of secular and physical demand.

I present: Tidus



Every Entity, and I choose the word "Entity" because I believe that each one is such; an entity of life. I do not believe in inanimate life, because how can something be inanimate, if it is life? How can it be an inanimate object, when objects are made of the same things we are....life. They see and they feel. They hear and they listen. They speak and they understand. They live, and they love.


....such is the evolution of the past.....