Just a few things that I am thinking about...

1) ...I am in a hard place, cornered, by kindness and submissiveness on one hand, and legal right on the other. I am forced into a situation that is creating something inside that I thought was put to rest long ago.

A monster.

My hands have never been raised in offense, nor have they responded in like of offense, in order of defense. I simply just take the blows as they come, and walk away. I am the kind of individual that will turn into the fight, and take the blows so as to end the conflict. I think nothing much of it, and just move on. But now I feel as if that will simply not work anymore...

That monster is being reborn, I can feel it. If I act upon the kind, passive, and submissive heart that is my life, it will slay the monster...but it will leave me crippled, and many of those around me crippled as well, unable to fend for themselves, for they know not the place in which they stand, and before they would ever find out, it would be too late...

If I act upon the hand of the law, it will give birth to this monster, raising metaphorical hands to battle against those around me, and sending that monster to dwell in the hearts of those close to me. I do not fear that monster in others, for I believe I was born to battle such demons, and to come out triumphant by suppressing the monster in myself in order to fight it in others.

But alas...to awaken that beast in order to protect the young at hand, means to sacrifice the dungeon in which this monster is held prisoner. To tear down the walls and set him free...

Can I be at peace while crippling those that can not fend for themselves...?

Can my soul rest knowing I have set free a demon to reign in the hearts of those close to me...?

I know not, but what I do know is this...I guess everyone has a breaking point.

2) The rules are always and ever present. They have not changed, nor will time tell if they will ever be without power to govern. Though I have broken them, more often than you may ever know, please understand that I mean it...power comes in the act of the meaningful, but to what end?

3) I have now been layed-off of my other employment position at windsor park because of the economy and the fall of finances. What that means, is simply that if I am to cover the expenses required to live in this world I must now seek more labor induced employment to meet those financial needs and obligations.

4) I am tired....I am exhausted....I am the wake after the storm, the calm in the distance, and the whisper that hails the hands of reconciliation.

....I am me....

is it enough?