Sleep...

....whats that?!

Here I am at 1:15, and I know I have a early engagement at 7:00 to cut music, and I really want to go to sleep but I just can't. What else to do when you can't sleep..???

BLOG!!!!!!!

What do you do when you can't sleep because there is too much to think about, and yet there really is nothing to think about that can be done with what you are thinking about...??? ...ouch.... Did that really hurt that much to think about, or is it really just getting late?

Some other thoughts while they are on my mind:

IF you are doing what by heart, feels right, and yet by the law it is 'considered' wrong, is it wrong? Or is it right?

How do you approach someone who has been in violation of so many things, and yet they feel like they are completely free of any wrong?

What is it about you that makes you who you are? What is it about you that will make me remember you more so than any others?

Is it ok to tell an 'appropriate lie'?

B.E.L.L.A. thinks its fun to be out at night under the stars....I do too!!! :)

I am colorblind...

Ok, I think my heart and mind are completely consumed by anxiety, and therefore have nothing of worth to say anymore...

Did I tell you that I can't remember that last time I watched a full TV episode of...well, just about anything tha wasn't news? I think I am crazy....I was visiting with some dear friends of mine, Matthew Stacey, Chris Buttars, Tyler Whittaker(long time good friends), and Tyler's girlfriend Jessica. Matthew kept quoting 'Simpsons', Tyler kept quoting 'Futurama', and Chris kept quoting 'Family Guy'...all I could do was sit and watch them, and laugh when something occured as funny to me. I quote movies....but none of them knew what the heck I was talking about.

We played 'Rock Band' for a bit, and when I would ask what movie some of the songs were from they would look at me like I was retarded or something....but what are friends for if not to make you feel retarded about things eh? To love you more as soon as they are done making you feel that way! :)

All I know is that the thoughts in my head at present are constituted of many things, from many different places, and most of all from many different friends. I always wondered what it would be like to finally take a trip to Alberta...I even entertained the idea of doing it this weekend over memorial. But what would I find there? Who knows...???

I wanna take a trip back to Jamaica, see old friends, visit old stomping grounds, and perhaps share the sunsets and beaches with someone close to me. When will it all happen? Heaven knows when, if ever at all.

There is so much do to, and so little time to do it in. So many people in the world and so few the minutes to meet them all. So many places to see....but none of it means anything without someone to frame the memories with.

You know, I think I need to get this out....For months I have felt a certain heart ache, and slowly I have felt it become firm in its belief. Some people say I am getting old, and that I need to get married. Trust me when I say that its not for lack of trying. Even recently, in the last couple months, back in november, back last summer....I tried with my soul to become emotionally involved with someone. It would start, and it would feel 'ok', but before I could even any further along with any one, the overwhelming sense of betrayal always over took me. That sense came only to myself, because of myself.

What I mean to say, is that my heart has given itself to a sense of loyalty. And in doing that, has become wary of betrayal. I can feel it when it is present. I enjoy the company of dear friends, even friends that are ladies. But because of my heart, I can not invest more than certain friendships with those around me.

It is now 1:45, I need sleep to come...perhaps when I dream, I shall share it! :)

God Bless...