because I just don't know what my head and my heart are telling me. I sit here, and though I face simple questions in my life, that seemingly should have simple answers as well...I find myself at a loss for words both silently and audibly.
What is the path that takes us to the place we want to be? I was out riding last night, and near the 23rd hour was brought to a sense of realization when I opened my eyes and beheld the Provo temple in the veil of my vision. Stranded upon my knees, paralyzed from movement, all I could do was watch the spectacle of heavenly manifestation pour out answers in silence. All questions that seemed to need the command of logic, found confidence in the serenity that was the temple grounds. All confusion that demanded clarity found peace of mind within the prayers that were offered...
...and yet today, Sunday, day of rest and refuge, I found neither in the activity of light that was the sun. Little consolation did I find in the open arms of nature through the passing wind during my motorcycle ride. Although I did find good company in the friends that were with me, my heart and mind seemed to conjure enmity for each other, and I could not explain why.
My heart tells me one thing, and obedience to that which my heart dictates is never in question...and today, I could not obey. Mental capacities that would offer a course of action based upon logical reason simply malfunctioned, and blurred the visual course it should have provided...
I am lost...I know that now.... I thought I was found, and realize now that the depths of distance had become the illusion of security in which I had built such a false hope.
...His name should be the path...I Hope it is. Her name should be the hope...I pray it is. My voice should be the prayer...I beg to be heard. To hear his name...should be the path...
...Is this the storm???
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Your question of whether you find yourself in the Storm, I'm reminded of a quote by President Monson. Had to do a quick search to find it, but find it I did. I don't know if it'll help...
"Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome. When we have done all that we are able, we can rely on God's promised help. "You have access to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no mariner so lost, no gale so strong as to render useless the lighthouse of the Lord. It beckons through the storms of life. It seems to call, 'This way to safety; this way to home.' " ~ Thomas S. Monson, "Three Gates to Open," CES Fireside for Young Adults, Jan. 14, 2001
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